


Never Let You Go

by tosaveonehuman



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - High School, Dean and Cas have the sex, M/M, Past Abuse, Physical Abuse, Sexual Abuse, Verbal Abuse, it gets a little heavy, punk!Cas, so prepare for that
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-22
Updated: 2015-01-26
Packaged: 2018-03-08 16:00:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 10
Words: 25,691
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3215072
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tosaveonehuman/pseuds/tosaveonehuman
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean transfers to a new school and meets Cas, but things get complicated when Cas' ex, Luce, returns.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Dean smiled politely at his new classmates as he passed them in the hall. Most of the guys ignored him, but some of the girls ogled him as he swept past them with the smooth grace that years of martial arts training had gifted him with. He glanced down at the schedule clenched in his hand, and felt his shoulder collide with someone else.   
“Sorry,” he muttered as he looked up- and froze. The guy staring at him had piercing blue eyes lined with black eyeliner, and jet black, messy hair swept across his forehead, partially covering one of his eyes. He had several ear piercings and a tattoo on his neck that disappeared into the collar of his black leather jacket, and was sporting a pair of slouchy black jeans with a thin chain wrapping from the front to the back. Dean focused his eyes on his face, and noticed another piercing on his visible eyebrow, and another on his lip- which was currently bent up in a flirtatious smile.   
“See anything you like?” The boy asked playfully. Dean felt butterflies in his stomach when the guy spoke- his voice was deep and smooth. Get a hold of yourself, Winchester, Dean told himself. Dean knew he was about as straight as a slinky, but he should be able to handle himself better than this- he’d been flirting with boys with ease since he was fifteen, he should be able to handle a conversation with even as beautiful a boy as this.  
Dean smiled back coyly. “Maybe. Depends.”  
He watched a spark of interest light in the boy’s eyes. “On what?”   
“I guess we’ll have to find out.” Dean said as he turned and walked away. He hoped he’d done enough to pique the guy’s interest, because, day-um, he’d like to get himself a piece of that. 

Dean was able to push the boy from his mind through his first two classes- fitness (which he dominated) and European history (starting in 1450- he’d missed the Renaissance and Reformation, as he’d just transferred, but had joined the class just as they began learning about 16th century politics. He could already tell he was gonna ace the class.), but he could tell he was gonna have a problem when he walked into his fourth year art class and saw the boy from the hallway spreading out a painting and several brainstorming sketches at the back of the classroom. He had ditched the jacket and was wearing a black ACDC tee-shirt, and Dean could see now that the tattoo on his neck travelled all the way down his arm.   
All of a sudden there was an eccentric looking young woman with her golden brown hair tied up in a messy bun in front of Dean. “Are you new to the class?” She chirped.  
“Uh, yeah.” Dean said. He noticed the boy look up at him and smirk. The woman clapped her hands.  
“Wonderful! I’m Miss Greenly, and I'm head of the arts department here.” Dean did a double take. She was only a few years older than Dean, and several inches shorter. She had large hoop earrings in, and a beige woollen cardigan, black leggings, and a pair of combat boot covered her slim body. Her large green eyes stared at him from behind thick rimmed black glasses. She looked more like a college student backpacking through Europe than head of the arts department.   
The bangles on her wrists jingled when she set a small, manicured hand on Dean’s shoulder. “Why don’t you introduce yourself to the class?” She suggested in her sing-song voice.  
“Uh… sure,” Dean said. His eyes found the boy again, and his pierced lips smirked back at Dean. “My name is Dean Winchester, I'm an Aquarius, I enjoy sunsets, and frisky men.” He winked, and watched as the boys smirk transformed to a full-on grin. He heard several alarmed whispers travel through the room, and thought to himself well at least it’s out of the way.  
“Quiet down please,” Miss Greenly called. “Not exactly what I meant Dean. Why don’t you tell us what kind of art you do?”   
Dean sobered a bit, and said, “I do a lot of sketching- both representationally and abstract- and I love print making. I love how back-asswards it is. Sorry,” He added as Greenly frowned at his curse. She smiled at his genuine remorse and nearly fucking skipped to the front of the room.   
“The rest of you can get to work on your projects.” She said as she tugged Dean aside. “So, because this is a fourth year class, I give my students a lot of freedom to work on what they’d like when they wish. If you’re not feeling your artistic juices flowing, you’re more than welcome to just hang out and read a book, do some homework, sketch, whatever. However, I do expect nine projects in at the end of the semester, with at least three different media.” She glanced past Dean at a girl with her hand in the air. “One sec, Jo,” Greely called to her. “Cas? Will you do me a favour and show Dean around the room?”   
Dean grinned when he saw the boy from the hallway stand. “Sure, Greenly,” he said in his gloriously deep voice. Dean felt a shudder run down his spine. Sweet Jesus, he wanted to know this boy, and soon.   
Dean dropped his bag in the closest chair and followed the boy to the back of the room. They stood at a bank of cabinets, and as the boy retrieved the key form Miss Greenly’s desk, Dean moved right up beside him and whispered, “So, Cas huh?”  
The boy grinned at him. “Short for Castiel. My full name’s a bit of a mouthful. I was born on a Thursday, so my mom, in her infinite wisdom, thought it was appropriate.” As Cas unlocked the first cabinet, the boy said, “So, Dean, huh?”  
Dean chuckled. “Yep. No interesting back story. No short forms. Just Dean.” The other boy considered this and nodded. “I like it.” He declared.  
“Thanks.” Dean replied. Cas showed Dean around the classroom, telling him where stuff was, and explaining why the desks were set up in groups of six. “It is no accident that the desks are set up this way,” he began, trying and failing to imitate Miss Greenly. Dean laughed anyway as Cas continued. “The desks are set up this way to encourage you to move around the room, and give feedback to your fellow artists. It is also an opportunity to get some inspiration if you’re lacking some- Or at least that’s what Miss G says.” The last part was said in his normal voice.   
Dean glanced around the room-the setup did encourage you to travel around, but he noticed that most of the seats were empty. Cas was the only one at his table.  
“Why don’t I give you the assignment sheet and you can join me at my table?” Cas suggested, not waiting for Dean’s answer. Dean followed him, and stood maybe a little closer than entirely necessary, and brushed his fingers over Cas’ sides. He felt the other boy shudder, and Cas shot him a look before going back to scribbling out the assignments onto a blank sheet of paper. Dean waited and studied Cas’ tattoos.   
“Here,” Cas said, voice husky, as he shoved the paper at Dean. Dean grinned at him and walked away to his seat. He looked at the page, and studied the nine assignments.   
1- Abstract shoes  
2- Collage   
3- Sketchbook- Zendoodle  
4- Personal logo  
5- Social justice themed  
6- Graffiti piece  
7 8 and 9 you choose  
And then, and the bottom:  
Meet me @ the bleachers by the baseball diamond- 3:05   
Dean smiled to himself. Three o’clock couldn’t come soon enough. 

 

When the final bell rang, Dean practically shot out of his seat (ignoring the fact that he was going to meet Castiel, it was last period math- can you blame him?) He stepped below the bleachers at 3:06, and was immediately slammed into one on the support beams. His muscles tensed up as he prepared for a fight, but then he noticed his assailants jet black hair and coal rimmed blue eyes, and felt an urgent press of lips against his. Castiel’s mouth attacked his, and his tongue was merciless as it prodded its way into Dean’s mouth. “You’re late,” he told Dean in a deep, growly voice. Dean barely managed to suppress a moan, and flipped them around so that he had the smaller boy pinned between him and the pole. He hooked his hands around Cas’ butt, and lifted. Castiel wrapped his legs around Dean’s hips, and whispered, “A little eager, aren’t we, Winchester?” This time Dean couldn’t suppress his moan. He felt the other boy grin against his mouth as he kissed Cas harder.   
When Dean’s mouth strayed from Cas’ mouth to his neck, Cas threw his head back and ground his hips into Dean’s groin. Dean gasped and released the other boy, and Cas was once again standing on the ground. Dean pulled back and looked at him, then kissed him tenderly. Cas was thrown off by his sudden change in mood.  
As Dean kissed Cas, he tried to control his overwhelming attraction to him and regain his sanity. He wasn’t usually like this. But there was just something about this beautiful stranger that made Dean a little crazy.   
“Is there somewhere more private we can go?” Dean asked when he broke the kiss.  
Cas was still trying to wrap his head around Dean’s sudden change, and asked, “you got a car?” Dean nodded. “Then yes.”   
Dean led the way to his glistening black ’67 Impala. Then Cas gave him directions across the city, his hand resting dangerously close to Dean’s lap. Dean just shifted his leg so that it was on his thigh.   
“Okay, there’s my place there.” Cas said, pointing, still confused. He tried sliding his hand into Dean’s lap again as the car careened to a halt in Castiel’s driveway.   
When the front door closed behind them, Cas grabbed Dean and kissed him roughly.   
“Cas- wait,” Dean said, pressing shaking hands against the other boy’s hips. Cas stopped kissing him and pulled back.  
“Is something wrong?” Cas’ eyes were suddenly filled with uncertainty.   
Dean sighed. “Don’t get me wrong, I want this, but… I want this to be more than a quick roll in the hay. I don’t like emotionless sex Cas.” He looked straight into Cas’ eyes, and Cas felt a shudder run down his spine at Dean’s next words. “I barely know you, but I already like you. And I respect you enough to want to know you before we sleep together.”  
“You asking me on a date, Dean?” Cas said, regaining his cocky demeanor. Inside though, he was a mess. How could this boy, the popular one, with devastatingly good looks who all the girls want to date and the boys want to be friends with, want him? Cas knew he was nothing special. Luce had always made it clear that he liked Cas best when they were in bed.  
He was pulled pack to the present when Dean blushed. “I might be.”   
Cas felt his stomach knot up- this couldn’t be happening to him. “Well, there’s a really great place not far from here- we could go get some dinner?”   
Dean smiled sweetly at him. “I’d like that.

 

That’s how they ended up in a booth in a dark corner of the Roadhouse, each enjoying burgers and beer disguised as ginger ale.  
“Don’t tell your father,” Cas’ aunt Ellen had said with a wink as she set the “ginger ale” on the table.   
“So, your aunt owns this place?” Dean asked after she left.  
“Yeah,” Cas said, leaning back in the booth. “So, what’s your story?”  
Dean took a sip of his beer, and said, “My mom died in a house fire when I was four. My dad kind of… lost it after. Mom was the love of his life. I have a little brother, Sammy. He’s fourteen, and has been my responsibility since the fire. I love my dad but… I’ve been more of a father to Sam that he ever was.” Cas was shocked- Dean didn’t seem like the kind of guy who would have this much responsibility. “Dad moved us here because he decided to finally tell us about his second family- he has another son, Adam, who’s eleven. He’s not so bad but he doesn’t feel like family, and neither does his mom Miranda.” Dean said this part with a lot of bitterness.  
“Family means a lot to you.” Cas said it as a statement, but Dean nodded anyways.  
“More than anything. But family don’t end with blood- family is anyone I care about. Sam has always had a rocky relationship with my dad, but after he moved us in with Adam and Miranda, it became unbearable. So now Sam and I are on our own. He started school on time, but I’ve had to put it off a bit so we could get the apartment organized and find a job- Dad pays for the apartment and the bills, but it’s up to me to pay for food and laundry.”   
Cas was completely shocked- no wonder Dean wasn’t able to just sleep with him. Dean obviously was the kind of guy who felt a lot of responsibility for the people he came in contact with, and wasn’t able to bear the thought of causing them pain.  
“I owe you an explanation,” Cas blurted. Dean raised an eyebrow at him and he said, “About earlier. I know I was… pretty insistent.” Dean nodded with understanding. “Look, Dean, I know I’m nothing special- I’m only good in bed. Luce always told me that that was why he stayed with me-“  
Dean’s eyes were stormy, and his voice trembled with barely controlled rage as he said, “Who the fuck is Luce?”  
“My ex,” Cas said, taken aback by Dean’s anger. “He always told me that it was my job to make sure he was feeling good- that my needs were second to his. So I wanted to make sure I made you happy. But I’m beginning to think that you’re not like that…”  
Dean placed a hand over Cas’. “I will never do that to you. Cas- you are worth more than what you can bring to the bedroom.”  
“There’s one more thing you should know…” Cas looked uncomfortable. “We’d been dating about six months when he started getting into some weird shit- he’d always been a drinker, but then he started trying different drugs. He tried to get me to sleep with him that night… and instead I told him I’d had enough. He beat the shit out of me and threw me out of his house. It was cold and I collapsed in a snowbank, and would have died if some half-sober clubbers hadn’t wandered by and called 911.”  
Dean stared at Cas in shock. “Cas… that’s awful. I can’t believe he did that to you.” Cas could hear the anger in Dean’s voice, but when Dean looked him in the eyes he saw affection. “I’m sorry he did that to you- you deserve better. And if you’ll have me Cas, I’d like to try and help you get better.”  
Cas was shocked- this was not the reaction he’d been expecting. “What?”   
Dean smiled at him. “Will you be my boyfriend?”  
Cas nodded, and the distrust and confusion faded from his eyes as he smiled and said, “I’d like that very much, Dean.”  
They stayed for several more hours, and Cas told Dean his story. His parents owned a business together- some fancy-shmancy banking thing Cas could never understand even when he tried- and were often gone on business trips- usually only two or three days at a time, but sometimes longer.  
“They’re in Madrid right now settling some deal- they’ve been gone for three weeks, and their trip just got extended another two.”   
“Christ Cas. That’s a long time to be completely alone.”  
“You’re alone,” Cas pointed out.  
“Not technically- I have Sammy.”  
“Fair enough. I do have an older brother, Raphael- we call him Rafe- but he’s studying medicine at Stanford.”  
“Oh, Sammy wants to go there for law- I swear, this kids got everything figured out. I envy him sometimes- I have no idea what to do after school.”  
“Don’t worry, you’re not the only one,” Cas whispered conspiratorially. Dean laughed. “I think I want to do something with art, but also counselling- I know I don’t look the type, but after what happened to me I want to help people with drug and alcohol problems, and their victims.”  
“I think you’d be a great counsellor.” Dean said. “When I was sixteen, I was arrested for stealing a loaf of bread- Dad had been AWOL for like two weeks or something and Sammy and I were out of food. Anyways, they took me to this home for boys- I wouldn’t tell them about Sammy- I didn’t want C.A.S. getting involved, but I sent him a text telling him what happened first chance I got. I didn’t really need to be there- it was a minor infraction, and I had no priors. But there were a lot of kids who did need help. I think I’d like to do that.”  
Cas nodded, and said, “On a different note, are you out to your Dad and Sam?”  
Dean frowned. “No- my dad is a bit on the homophobic side, and Sam is all I have left. So I never told them.”  
“Even if you don’t come out to your Dad, you should tell Sam. You don’t have to listen obviously, it’s your choice, but I think you’d be happier if he knew the truth. Especially considering,” Cas just held up their linked hands.  
“Yeah, I will tell Sam I just need to figure out how. What about you? You out to your parents?”  
“Yeah- I never really had to tell them. When I was eleven or twelve I made some remark about a boy being cute- my parents decided then to explain all the different sexualities to me. I’ve never really had to come out as anything, I just am who I am, although I identify as bisexual.”  
“That’s sweet, man.”   
“Yeah, it is. I’ve never had to worry about it- they just accept me for me and just want me to be safe and happy.”  
That evening, Dean dropped Cas off at home around ten and kissed him goodnight with a promise to pick him up for school the next day. Cas had gone straight inside to bed, but when he got home Dean flopped onto the couch next to Sam and watched Criminal Minds with his little brother before finally falling into bed at one. Before he fell asleep, he checked his phone- there was a text from Cas.  
"Thank you for helping me."


	2. Chapter 2

The next day, Dean picked Cas up before school in the Impala. Cas ran out the front door of the house with a piece of toast held in his teeth. Dean smiled at the sight of him- he wore a hoodie under his leather jacket today, and had a beanie over his unruly black hair. His lean legs fit perfectly into a pair of white skinny jeans, and he was wearing his black boots again. Cas tossed his book bag into the back seat, and Dean leaned over and kissed him tenderly.  
“Good morning to you too,” Cas said as they pulled away from the curb. Dean just smiled and winked at him. He shivered in the chilly October air, and leaned against the door of the car so that his body was angled towards Dean, and just watched the other boy drive in silence for a few minutes. Cas’ eyes hungrily devoured Dean’s movements as he tried to become familiar with them. He noticed the way Dean had one leg propped up, and his hand rested on his thigh, fingers tapping along to the beat of the classic rock song playing.   
“So,” Cas said, turning the radio down slightly, “favourite movie, favourite artist, favourite book. Go.”  
“Avatar, Dali, and Legend by Marie Lu. Thor or Loki, least favourite media to work with, Coke or Pepsi?”  
“Loki- Tom Hiddleston’s a babe- charcoal, and neither.”  
They bounced back and forth like that the entire way to school, and when they got out of the car, Dean knotted their hands together. As they walked through the hallways, Dean heard snippets of conversations-  
New boy’s as gay as a three dollar bill-  
So ce-uuuute-   
Look at that freak, Novak, already staking his claim on that fine piece of ass-  
Weird pairing-  
-and on and on. Dean grinned and decided to really give them a show. He released Castiel’s hand, and slipped his hand into the shorter man’s back pocket. “Is this okay?” He whispered. Cas nodded, and he saw the corner of Cas’ mouth twitch up in a smirk at the disapproving rumble that ran through the crowd, along with the accompanying aww, of some of the girls. Speaking of-  
There was suddenly a slight read head in ripped jeans and combat boots in front of Cas. She launched herself at him, and he blocked her tiny fists with his forearm before pinning her against the ground. Dean, while somewhat alarmed, could see Cas smiling, and when the girl tapped out she was giggling.   
“Help me up, jackass,” she said with a smile. Cas hauled her to her feet, then turned to Dean.   
“Dean, this is my best friend, Anna Milton. Anna, this is my boyfriend, Dean Winchester.”  
“Boyfriend?” Anna repeated, shock flicking across her face. Cas nodded, and she was suddenly all up in Dean’s face. “Everything is on his term- he gets to decide when he’s ready to have sex, and you better always listen to him. If you hurt him, I’ll beat the shit out of you.” She said. But then she considered the fact that Dean stood a solid half foot taller than her, and reconsidered. “On second thought, I’ll get Gabe to do it.”   
“I don’t want to hurt Cas,” Dean said. “He told me what happened with Luce- and I’ll promise you the same thing I promised him- I will never hurt him like that. If we have sex, I want him to know that he is in control of the situation, and we can always stop. I may not know him very well yet, but I already care about him a lot.”  
Anna stared at Dean. “Holy fucking shit.” She looked at Cas. “It appears as though we have found a good one.”   
Cas smiled, and linked his hand with Dean’s. “It appears as though we have.”   
“Anna!” Someone shouted. She spun in the direction of a boy with blue hair and a lollipop tucked in his cheek waving at her from down the hall. “I should probably go debrief Gabe,” she said before disappearing into the crowd.   
Cas laughed, and looked at Dean. “Sorry- she means well. She’s just a little protective.”  
“I can tell… Cas, I meant what I said. I don’t want to have sex until you’re ready- and I want you to enjoy it. It’s not just about me. And you can always tell me to stop.”   
Cas felt his heart swell with emotion. “I know.”

 

The subsequent weeks passed in a blur of lunches with Cas, Anna and Gabe, work, and taking care of Sam. And, of course, dates with Cas.  
They were out for a walk one night early in December when Dean finally decided to ask Cas. “Hey, babe… um, I’ve been meaning to ask this for a while but… I want you to meet Sam.”  
Cas nodded. “I’d love to meet your brother. Does he know you’re gay yet?”  
“No, I never figured out how to tell him. He’s really all I have, besides you. I was still afraid he’d reject me but… I don’t know. I’m so happy with you, and I want him to be a part of this. He deserves to know the truth.”  
“Okay, but I want to ask something in return…”  
“Sure, Cas, anything you want.”  
“I want to have sex. I’m ready Dean.”  
They had come close several times. They’d be making out somewhere, usually the back of the Impala, but Dean always stopped them before they actually did anything.  
“You sure?” Dean asked, squeezing Cas’ hand. Cas nodded, and Dean said, “Okay, well how bout we wait till next Saturday? We’re celebrating our two month anniversary, and I can arrange for Sam to spend the night at a friend’s.”  
“I never knew you were so sentimental.”  
“I’m practical, not sentimental.” Dean said, laughing. But the truth was, he was being a bit sentimental- he really wanted their first time to be special.   
They went back to the apartment, and Dean called out for Sam.   
“Sammy, come here! I have to tell you something.”   
Sam came bounding out of his room, and skid to a halt at the sight of his brother holding hands with a dark haired boy with a lip piercing and black eyeliner.   
“Um, Sam, this is Cas,” Dean said, and the dark haired boy smiled.   
“Hey, Sam, I’ve heard a lot about you.” He broke away from Dean and held his hand out to Sam. “I’m Cas, your brother’s boyfriend.”   
Sam shook they guys hand, dazed, and said, “Nice to meet you.” Then he looked at his brother. “Dean, can I speak to you for a moment in the kitchen please?”   
Dean nodded, and touched Cas’ arm as he followed his little brother. “I’ll be right back,” he murmured.   
Sam was waiting for him in the kitchen. “Boyfriend? I’d heard rumors around the school, but I didn’t believe them- I always thought you’d tell me if something was going on. Why would you keep something like this a secret, Dean?”  
“I was afraid of how you’d react. I didn’t want you to freak out about having a gay brother.”  
“Dean… you’re my brother, and I love you no matter what.” Sam said, and hugged his brother. Dean relaxed, and Sam asked, “So, why now? You’ve been keeping you relationship a secret for however long-“  
“Two months-“  
“Shut up Dean, I’m talking. Why tell me now?”  
“You and Cas are both important to me- you’re the most important people in my life. And I don’t want to have to lie to you- I want you to be a part of us. You’re my little brother, you have a right to have a say.”  
“Do you love him?”  
Dean was taken aback at the abruptness of the question. “I think I could. We haven’t been together long enough to say I love him, but I’m definitely falling for him.”  
Sam was about to respond when they heard a crash. Dean spun towards the living room where he’d left Cas and sprinted out.   
Cas was lying on the ground next to an overturned coffee table, gasping and shaking. “Cas!” Dean shouted, falling to his knees beside his boyfriend. “Cas- hey- babe- what’s going on?”  
Cas couldn’t speak- he was in the middle of a full on panic attack. He felt Dean pull him into a sitting position, and tried to calm down when he felt Dean’s arms around him. I’m safe, he reminded himself. I’m with Dean now.   
The panic attack slowly ebbed away, and Cas was finally able to breathe again. He felt Dean rocking him, waiting for him to calm down. In his periphery, he could see Sam standing shocked at the door of the room.  
Finally, he said, “Luce is coming back to school.”  
Dean’s arms tightened around Cas. “What? Shouldn’t he be locked up or something?”  
Cas pulled out of Dean’s arms so that he was facing him. “I never told anyone the truth except for you, Ana, Gabe and my parents- everyone else thinks I was mugged. He transferred shortly after we broke up. But I just got a text from him-“ Cas held up his phone to Dean.  
See you Monday, babe. You better be ready for me or I’ll be pissed…   
Dean felt anger well up in him, and was about to hand Cas’ phone back when another text came in.  
¬Gonna fuck you so hard you won’t be able to walk. And you’re just gonna take it because you don’t want to make me mad, now do you, Cas?  
Dean shot to his feet, Cas’ phone in his hands. Before he knew it, he had dialed Luce’s number.   
“Hey baby.” A cold, mean voice echoed across the line.   
“Dean what are you doing?” Cas said.  
“Listen here, dickbag. My name is Dean Winchester,” Dean said into the phone. “I’m Cas’ boyfriend. And I know what you did to him, and I'm not going to let you hurt him again. When you guys walk past each other in the hall, don’t look at him, and don’t talk to him. I want you to stay away from him.” With that he hung up. It only took a moment for another text to come in.   
WHO THE FUCK WAS THAT CASTIEL?!?!?  
And another.  
YOU TRYING TO REPLACE ME, BOY? WELL GUESS WHAT- YOU CAN’T. YOU’LL NEVER BE ABLE TO REPLACE ME, BECAUSE I’LL ALWAYS BE THERE. YOU CAN GET YOURSELF A NEW BOYFRIEND, BUT THAT DOESN’T CHANGE THE FACT THAT YOU’RE MINE.   
“Cas, babe, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that.”  
“No, it’s okay… I’m just afraid he’ll be mad.” At Dean’s look, Cas panicked. “What?” Dean showed him the two new texts, and Cas’ eyes immediately filled with terror. “He’s going to kill me,” he whispered. “He always said he’d do it if I left him, but I never thought-“  
“I won’t let him hurt you.” Dean said. “You’ve got me now. I’ll protect you.” Dean looked up at his brother. “Will you go put some extra blankets in my room please?”  
Sam nodded and scurried off. “Why do you need extra blankets?” Cas asked.  
“Because you’re staying here tonight. You’re parents are out of town anyways, they’ll never know. And this way here I’ll know you’re safe.”  
They walked past Sam on their way to Dean’s room. “Finish your homework and head to bed, okay buddy?” Dean said, and Sam nodded.   
When they got to Dean’s room, Dean handed Cas a clean tee-shirt and a pair of pyjama pants before spreading out the blankets on the floor and lying down on them. Cas shot a look and the bed- there was easily enough space for the both of them. “You’re not gonna sleep on the floor Dean, there’s enough room for us both.”  
“It’s not so much a matter of space as it is self-control. I’m quite certain I won’t be able to sleep beside you all night and not try something.”  
“Dean, I meant what I said earlier- I’m ready to have sex. And it doesn’t matter if it’s this week or next week, I'm ready. I’m not saying we have to, but I wouldn’t care if we did.”  
Dean considered this for a moment before launching himself into the bed, which made Cas laugh, despite his mood. He crawled into bed beside Dean, and snuggled into Dean’s chest. Dean kissed his hair and held him close.   
“Dean?” Cas asked, yawning. “I overheard what you said to Sam, and… I think I’m falling in love with you too.” And then he drifted off to sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are warnings for this chapter, but I'm putting them at the end so I don't give anything away. If you're worried at all, please check them. Stay safe, guys xo

Cas ended up staying with Dean and Sam for the entire weekend, and they all left for school together Monday morning. Cas was tense in the front seat of the Impala, and Dean was having a hard time adjusting to seeing him in plainclothes- since he hadn’t been home all weekend, he was wearing a pair of Dean’s track pants and a hoodie. No make-up, and his hair wasn’t as carefully styled as Dean was used to.   
He reached across the space between them and held Cas’ hand, and he felt his boyfriend relax a little at his touch.   
When they got to the school, they were met almost immediately by Anna and Gabe. “Where were you all weekend? We went by your place and no one was home and you didn’t answer your phone.”  
“I was at Dean’s place.”   
“All weekend?” Anna said. A mischievous smile spread across her features, and she rolled her tongue, producing an rrrrr sound.  
“No, we didn’t sleep together,” Dean said, irritated. “Luce is back. Cas didn’t answer his phone because it was off.”  
“What do you mean Luce is back?” Gabe said, alarmed. “Like, back here?”  
Cas wrapped his arms around himself and nodded. Anna threw her arms around him, and after a minute Cas hugged her back. When they broke apart, Dean wrapped his arm around his boyfriend’s shoulders.  
“He knows Cas has a new boyfriend, and he’s angry. One of us should be with him at all times so that he’s not alone if he runs into Luce.” Dean said. Anna and Gabe nodded. Then they heard the roar of a motorcycle. Cas went rigid, and Anna’s eyes widened.  
Dean turned around and watched as the motor cycle slid to a stop in a parking space not far from them. The guy on it killed the engine and got off. Dean’s arm tightened around Cas when the guy took his helmet off. He knew that this was Luce- and he was staring right at them.  
Cas’ breathing was quick and shallow. “Can we go somewhere else, please?”  
“Yeah,” Dean said, and they moved into the school as the bell rang. Dean walked Cas to his class, kissed him goodbye, and hurried to fitness.   
When he got into the change room, there was someone new there, his back to Dean. Dean felt is stomach drop as he studied the guys back- he had broken angel wings tattooed across his back, shoulders and triceps, and the number 666 on the back of his neck.   
When the guy turned around, it was Luce.   
His gaze was stony, and voice cold when he said, “Are you Dean Winchester?” Dean nodded. “Good to know.” And he stormed out of the room.   
Dean took a moment to collect his thoughts before changing into his gym clothes. When he got to the fitness room, he headed for the punching bags- partly to work of some frustration, but he also wanted to intimidate Luce a bit.  
He felt Luce’s eyes on him through the whole period, and he gave one of the best performances of his life- he struck out at the punching bag with swift, hard punches, kicks, and various other manoeuvres. By the end of class, he was drenched in sweat. He showered quickly, and headed out into the hallway to find Cas.   
Luce, however, had decided to forego showering, and was waiting for Cas when the bell rang. He grabbed him and threw him into the lockers. Cas smashed into them and crumpled to the floor. Luce placed a well-aimed kick at his ribs before he was thrown off his feet by a livid Dean.   
Anna and Gabe rushed over to Cas and helped him to his feet as Luce lashed out at Dean, who dodged out of the way. Luce stumbled and pivoted, then swung his arm at Dean again. This time Dean had to actually block the hit, and Luce grunted when he actually made contact.   
Dean caught a glimpse of Cas, who was clearly in the middle of a panic attack. Baby I’m coming, he thought to himself. The next time Luce threw a punch, Dean grabbed his fist and pushed back- Luce landed on his ass on the floor. He shot to his feet, and Dean shouted, “Enough!” Luce ignored him, and was about to attack again when there was suddenly a fifty-something year old man with a red beard and a baseball cap in front of him.  
“The hell are you doing, ya idjit?” The guy said, angry. “Get to Principal Peters office. Boy, I have half a mind to take you out back myself, now get!” he said when Luce didn’t move.   
He turned on Dean. “I realize you were just protecting your friend, but fighting is still prohibited. Now, I would send you to Peters’ office too, but seeing as you never actually hit him, I'm not gonna bother.”  
“Uh, thank you sir.” Dean said. This guy must be a teacher, but he was wearing jeans and an old flannel.   
“I’m Mr. Singer, I teach tech here.” He looked around at the students congregated around them. “Would you idjits get to class?” He shouted. Everyone suddenly scrambled to move, and Mr. Singer looked at Dean again. “Keep your nose clean, boy.” And then he walked away.  
Dean rushed to Cas’ side. “Hey, baby, it’s okay. I’m right here.” Cas began to sob, and he fisted his hands in Dean’s shirt. His panic attack was ending, but now the realization that Luce was back hit him, and terror caused his shoulders to shake with vicious sobs.   
“We gotta get him out of here, people are starring,” Anna whispered to Dean. He nodded, and the three of them helped a distraught Cas into a nearby classroom.   
Gabe locked the door behind them, and Cas collapsed into the closest chair. The more he thought about Luce, and the danger he posed to Dean and Anna and Gabe, the closer he got to another panic attack.  
Anna crouched in front of Cas and grabbed his hands. “Castiel, you need to calm down. Breathe, Cas, you’re safe-“  
“He’s gonna hurt you- he’ll hurt Dean-“  
“Baby, he’s not going to hurt any of us.” Dean said, laying a hand on Cas’ shoulder. He gave the other boys shoulder a squeeze, and Cas looked up at him with puffy red eyes.   
Even though tears were still streaming steadily down his cheeks, Cas’ voice was calm when he said, “You don’t know him like I do, Dean. He feels like he owns me, and he won’t stop. He’ll hurt you for taking me away, and Anna and Gabe just to hurt me for leaving.”  
“I won’t let him Cas.” Dean said. “That douche bag will never hurt you again.”  
Cas huffed in frustration. “You don’t get it, Dean. I’m not afraid for me- I can deal. I’m afraid for you guys.”  
“It’s okay, Cassie,” Gabe said, leaning against the wall and unwrapping a candy. It was only because Cas knew him so well that he could see the worry beneath Gabe’s nonchalance. “We’ll figure something out.”  
“I hope so,” Cas whispered.

 

Dean dropped Cas off at home that afternoon, and Cas was so consumed in his thoughts that he didn’t even notice the car in his driveway until Dean pointed it out.   
“Uh, babe, is that your parents car?”  
Cas’ head snapped in the direction of his driveway. “Yeah, it is.” Cas felt his mouth curve up in a smile, despite his mood. “Do you want to meet them?”  
“Yeah- do you want me to meet them?”  
“Of course I do, why wouldn’t I?”  
“I don’t know, I just assumed there was a reason I hadn’t met them yet. I thought you maybe didn’t want to introduce me or something…”  
“Don’t be obtuse, Dean,” Cas scolded. “I haven’t introduced you because they’ve been out of the country for the last two months.”  
Dean blushed. “I know- I just thought-“  
Cas silenced him with a kiss. “Shut up and come meet my parents.”  
Dean nodded and turned off the car before stepping out into the frigid air. Small snowflakes floated around them as they made their way to the front door, and Dean couldn’t help but feel that there was going to be a snow day in the foreseeable future.   
“Mom? Dad?” Cas called as he opened the door. He ushered Dean inside and dusted the snowflakes from the taller boy’s hair. “They’re gonna love you,” he whispered.  
Before Dean could say anything, Castiel’s mom stepped into the entryway. “Cas! Oh, my baby!” She rushed forward and wrapped Cas in her embrace. She was at least half a foot shorter that Dean, and he couldn’t deny that she was beautiful- full hips, dark hair just beginning to show signs of grey, and azure blue eyes that were identical to Cas’. When she noticed Dean, those eyes widened in surprise. “Who’s this?” She asked, stepping away from her son.   
“Dean, this is my mom, Naomi” Cas said, placing his hand on Dean’s shoulder. “Mom, this is Dean, my boyfriend.”  
Naomi’s eyes brightened and a wide smile stretched across her face. “Oh my God! This is amazing!” She gave Dean a quick hug before stepping away and yelling, “Chuck, get down here! Cas has someone he wants us to meet!” She turned her cerulean eyes on Dean again. “Would you like something to drink, Dean? I was just boiling water for tea, but I know we’ve got some hot chocolate around here.”  
“Uh, hot chocolate would be great. Thank you, Mrs. Novak.”   
She gave Dean a sharp look. “Dean, sweetie, you seem like a nice kid… but if you call me Mrs. Novak again I’ll kick the crap out of you.” She smiled, and said, “If you’re gonna date my son, you’ll call me Naomi.”  
“Sorry, Naomi.”   
“Much better.” Just then a frazzled looking man with an ill-kept beard and a stripped bathrobe skidded around the corner. “Chuck, this is Dean- Cas’ boyfriend.”  
Chuck’s eyes flicked between the two boys. “You using protection?”  
“No! We’re not even-“  
“Chuck!”  
“DAD! We aren’t having sex!”  
“I’m just saying!” Chuck said, holding up his hands defensively. “The last thing you boys need it to end up with AIDS.”  
“Chuck, maybe you should introduce yourself before you begin asking about private matters.”  
Chuck grinned at his wife, and held out his hand to Dean. “Chuck Shurley. “  
Dean shot a confused look at Cas, and shook Chuck’s hand. “Dean Winchester. It’s nice to meet you sir.”  
“Little word of advice for life, Dean, when toilet paper goes on sale, hoard it. Hoard it like it’s made of gold, because it is.” With that, Chuck spun on his heel and left the room.  
“Chuck isn’t my biological dad,” Cas whispered as they slipped off their coats and boots. “But he’s been raising me since I was two so I consider him my father. He’s more of a dad than my biological one ever was.”  
`”Makes sense,” Dean said, lacing his fingers through Cas’.  
“Family don’t end with blood, right?” Cas said with a smile.  
“Absolutely not,” Dean said, tipping his forehead down to his boyfriends. Just then Naomi walked into the entry with two steaming mugs. “Why don’t you guys go work on some homework in the living room and I’ll get dinner ready?”  
“Uh, thanks Naomi but I’ve gotta get home- my little brother’s waiting for me and if I don’t feed and water him no one will.”  
“Dean, don’t take this the wrong way, but don’t you have parents?”  
“My mom died in a house fire when I was a kid, and my dad lives with his other family- Sam and I weren’t part of that family, so we moved out. Got an apartment in the city, and I got a job.”  
Naomi stared at him with sad eyes. “Dean, you and your brother- Sam-” Dean nodded-“are welcome here any time. If you need a place to stay-“  
“Oh, no it’s not like that. Dad pays the rent and bills; I just need to take care of food and laundry. Oh, and gas for my baby.”   
Naomi laughed. “Well, you’re welcome here any time. Tell you what, you guys get some homework done, and I’ll convince Chuck to put on some pants and we can all go out to dinner- Sam too.”   
“Okay, thanks Mom.” Cas took the mugs from his mom and began to kick his bag towards the living room.   
“Hold on, babe,” Dean said, scooping up both his and Cas’ bag. He followed his boyfriend into the living room, and they collapsed onto the couch. Cas curled up and pulled out his copy of The Great Gatsby.   
“I really hate this book,” Cas muttered.   
Dean glanced up from his history text book. “Yeah it was really slow. I didn’t enjoy it at all.”  
“I mean, I get that it’s symbolic and all, but Jesus Christ, Gatsby needs to get over himself.”  
Dean laughed. “Yeah, pretty much.” Cas went back to reading, and Dean turned his attention to his history. He scribbled notes into his notebook as he read, and sipped at his hot chocolate. All of a sudden he heard snoring- he looked up at Cas, who was sound asleep, his book open on his chest. Dean set his stuff on the floor, and stood. He pulled the blanket off the back of the couch and wrapped it snuggly around Cas. He kissed his boyfriends head and turned around. He jumped slightly when he saw Naomi standing in the doorway, a warm smile on her face. “Can I talk to you in the kitchen, Dean?”  
“Yeah, absolutely,” Dean said as he followed her out of the room.   
“Dean, sweetie, you seem like a really good guy, and from what I just witnessed, you care a lot about my son. But I need to know he’s safe. I don’t know how much you know about his past, but he recently got out of an extremely unhealthy relationship- one that nearly killed him. I’m not saying you’re going to do that to him, but I need to put my mind at ease.”  
Dean nodded, and placed his hand over Naomi’s on the counter. “You have every right to be worried. And Cas told me everything, and I promise you, Luce will never hurt him again. I’m watching out for him at school and-“  
“Wait, what? Why do you need to look out for him at school? Luce doesn’t go to school with him anymore.”  
“He transferred back. Today was his first day. That’s why Cas doesn’t really look like Cas- he stayed with me for the weekend because I was afraid for him staying here alone.” Naomi’s eyes were glued in Cas’ general direction, and she was on the brink of tears.   
“Listen Dean,” she said voice thick with fear and anger. “That boy will do anything and everything to hurt my son- I’ve seen it. Cas thought they were in love, but from the outside, I could see what was really going on. Cas sprained his ankle once and Luce dragged him all over the city on foot just to put him in pain. He’d show up drunk in the middle of the night and Cas would go downstairs and sleep on the couch so that Luce could sleep in the bed. And the things that boy would say to him- Dean, it breaks my heart to think of them. Chuck and I always minded our own business though, because in the end Cas had to see it for himself or he would keep going back. My biggest regret will always be letting them stay together though. If I had forced them apart, Cas never would have gotten hurt.” Tears rolled down her cheeks.   
“I made Cas a promise that Luce would never hurt him again, and I intend to keep it. I didn’t understand until today how dangerous he was. You should know that he got to Cas before I did today and attacked him in the hall. He’s okay,” Dean added hurriedly, “and I took care of Luce the second I got there. I just thought you deserved to know about the incident.”   
“Thank you Dean. That means a lot to me. Just, do me a favour, and keep my boy safe.”  
“I will.” Just then, Cas cleared his voice behind them. Naomi hurriedly wiped her face before turning to him. “Hi sweetie!”   
“I’m gonna go get changed before we leave. We can go get Sam after and meet you at the restaurant.”   
“Sure Castiel,” Naomi said, and brushed her hand against her son’s.  
“Mom, I’m okay. Dean’s taking care of me,” Cas said, smiling down at her. He kissed her forehead and left the room.   
When he was out of earshot, Naomi turned back to Dean. “Do you love him?”  
Dean smiled and looked towards Cas’ bedroom, where they could hear the faint thump of music as he got ready. “I’m definitely falling for him. We’ve only been together two months, but there is no doubt in my mind that we’re falling in love.”  
“Good, he deserves someone as good as you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter deals with a bit of physical abuse directed at Cas. Nothing to bad, but I don't want to trigger anyone


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have some fluff before this shit goes to Hell

Dean had been right about the snow day- after dinner he dropped Sam off at a friend’s place for the night and headed back to Cas’ for a couple hours. When he tried to leave, though, he realized there was no way he would be driving home. He called Sam to make sure it was okay he stayed at Kevin’s then settled down for the night. The storm howled all night, and when they woke up the next morning all the roads were closed and there were several feet of fresh snow on the ground. He and Cas snuggled in bed for a long time before finally being drawn out by the smell of cooking bacon.  
After breakfast, they headed into the living room and Dean noticed something that he hadn’t the previous day- a guitar, propped up against the wall in the corner, partially obscured by the couch.   
“You play the guitar?” He asked, looking at Cas, who shook his head.   
“No, Mom used to but hasn’t in years.”  
“May I?”  
“Yeah, go ahead.” Cas collapsed onto the couch and tucked his feet beneath him.   
Dean scooped up the guitar and sat on the edge of the couch as he gingerly began plucking at the strings. He cringed at the off-key twang that rang out, and fiddled with it for a few minutes before finally playing the opening cords of a song Cas didn’t recognize.   
Cas had only been expecting Dean to play for him, but suddenly Dean’s sweet voice was filling the room.   
“Oh the summer time is coming/ and the trees are sweetly blooming/ where the wild mountain thyme grows around the blooming heather/ would you go, lassie go? And we’ll all go together/ where the wild mountain thyme/ grows around the blooming heather/ would you go, lassie, go?”  
Dean continued singing the song, and Cas sat in stunned silence, just staring at his boyfriend. “Dean,” he whispered when Dean eventually set the guitar down. “You have a beautiful voice.”  
Dean shrugged, and said, “It’s okay. Did you like it?”  
Cas crawled to the other end of the couch into Dean’s lap and kissed him softly and tenderly before saying, “I loved it.”  
“Was that you singing Dean?” Naomi said, peeking her head into the room.  
Dean blushed. “Yeah, sorry.”  
“What in God’s name are you apologizing for? You have a phenomenal voice. I’d love it if you kept playing.”   
“Uh, okay.” Dean said. Cas slid out of his lap, and Dean picked up the guitar again. He cleared his throat and started singing again. Cas curled up beneath a blanket, sometimes singing or humming along to songs he recognized, but mostly just listening to Dean. He couldn’t take his eyes off the other boy. Dean was sitting in front of the window, and the light outlined his face so that it looked like he was glowing. His face was relaxed, and his eyes closed, so he looked peaceful- serene almost. He didn’t stop playing until Naomi brought out two steaming bowls of soup around one.   
“Thanks, Mom.”   
“No problem.” Dean set the guitar down and flopped backwards. Naomi handed him his bowl and he smiled at her.  
Cas was looking at his phone intently. “What’s wrong?” Dean asked, worried it was Luce.  
“Just checking to see if the roads are open yet- you should head home as soon as they open up so you get there safely. Plus,” he said, voice dropping to a whisper, “There’s a place I want to show you before you get Sam.”   
They ate their lunch quickly, and Cas shouted to his mom that he and Dean were leaving and he’d call for a ride or take the bus home later in the evening. She called back a warning to be safe, and they hurried out into the bitter cold.   
Cas gave Dean directions towards his favourite place in the city- and old apple orchard on the bank of a stream running through the town.  
“So where are we going?” Dean asked, reaching out to wrap their fingers together.   
“You’ll find out when we get there.”  
“Aw c’mon Cas, that’s no fun.”   
“It is from where I’m sitting. No, Dean,” Cas said when Dean opened his mouth to protest. “It’s a surprise.”  
“Fine,” Dean grumbled. “But I don’t have to like it.”  
“You’ll love it. I promise,” Cas leaned over and kissed Dean’s cheek.   
Dean was pleasantly surprised at the road conditions- despite the storm the day before, the roads were completely clear, and there were only a few scarce flakes floating down from the sky. After about twenty minutes of driving, Cas said, “Pull in here.”  
Dean obeyed, and as he parked the car, Cas climbed out. Dean tucked his keys in the pocket of his dad’s leather jacket and followed suit. He didn’t even pay attention to his surroundings until he caught up to Cas, and when he did he stopped in his tracks and looked around in awe.   
“It’s beautiful here Cas,” he said. The bent and misshapen trees were covered in snow and ice, and he could hear the bubble of a half frozen stream nearby. And then he looked at Cas. Not for the first time, he was struck by how beautiful his boy was- snowflakes were caught in his dark hair, and his cheeks rosy from the cold. His cobalt eyes were for once free of the dark eyeliner (not that Cas didn’t totally rock the look- Dean loved the eyeliner), and it made him look younger and more carefree. Or maybe that came more from the look within his eyes rather than the eyes themselves- he was looking at Dean with utter and complete adoration.   
“I love you,” Dean blurted. He watched several emotions pass across Cas’ face in the span of a second, before suddenly the smaller boy was in his arms, his lips pressed securely yet tenderly to his. When the kiss broke, Cas whispered back, “I love you too.”  
Cas tugged Dean’s hand gently and said, “Let’s go for a quick walk.”  
“Okay, just let me text Sammy and let him know I’ll be there soon. “ Dean ducked back into the car and sent the text quickly before standing and turning towards Cas- only Cas wasn’t there.  
“Babe?” Dean called out, looking towards the footprints leading into the orchard. He was looking up towards the tree the footprints lead to when suddenly he something cold and wet connect with his face, and heard Cas’ jubilant laughter.   
He grinned and bent down to collect a handful of snow just as another snowball sailed over his head.   
“Dammit Cas!” He yelled, chuckling. “At least let me hide!” Another snowball hit him, this time in the shoulder, and he heard Cas’ distant cry of never!  
He crept behind the back of the car when Cas wasn’t looking and dashed into the orchard, and ducked behind a bush without Cas noticing. Slowly, he crept sideways until he was directly behind Cas, snowball in hand, and cleared his throat. Cas spun around just as he threw the snowball, and it hit him right in the middle of his chest. Dean threw his arms in the air and cheered and Cas collapsed to his knees laughing, and proceeded to re-enact some overly dramatic death scene.  
Cas stayed in the snow, staring up at the sky. Dean watched him for a few moments before walking over and collapsing beside him. They stared up at the sky and watched the snowflakes float down around them.   
After a few minutes of silence, Cas rolled over so that his arms were folded over Dean’s chest, his chin resting on them. Dean tipped his head down to look at him, and Cas said, “I love you, Dean Winchester. And I don’t care about Luce, or your dad or anyone else. No one can make me stop loving you.”   
Dean tugged him slightly so that the brunette was straddling his hips, and pulled his head down so that their lips met in a fierce kiss. The heat of it seared through Dean’s numb body, and he felt an involuntary shiver run through him. “I fucking love you.”  
Cas grinned and stood, then offered his hands to Dean, who took them and hauled himself to his feet. They walked back towards the car, hand in hand, and when they got there Dean pinned Cas against the side with his hips and pressed searing kisses all over Cas face and neck. Cas clung to Dean with hands numb from the cold, and sighed with happiness. 

 

The following Saturday, the two boys sat facing each other in a fancy French restaurant, hands joined over the table. Cas’ hair was back to being carefully styled, and he was wearing a deep blue dress shirt that made his coal-rimmed eyes stunning.   
Dean adjusted the tie around his neck in discomfort- it had been his idea that they dress up and go somewhere nice for their anniversary, but he was beginning to regret it.   
“Dean, you can take the tie off,” Cas said, sharp eyes tracing Dean’s movement.  
“Thank you,” Dean said hands flying to his throat as his fingers aggressively worked at the fabric. Once the tie was off, he undid the top two buttons of his dark grey dress shirt, and leaned forward so that Cas had just a glimpse of his collar bone and the upper part of his chest. He grinned when Cas’ eyes flicked down to the buttons and licked his lips before he met Dean’s eyes again.  
“Not really what I meant,” He said, eyes sparkling.  
Dean shrugged and leaned back in the booth, one arm slung across the back, which pulled at the buttons and made the fabric of his shirt stretch across his chest deliciously. “But you’re not complaining.”  
“Dean,” Cas whispered huskily. “Behave yourself, Jesus Christ.”  
“Mm, but why would I do that?” Dean said, voice low and husky. “Aren’t you enjoying the view?”  
Cas was just opening his mouth to answer when he was saved by the waitress who set two steaming plates of spaghetti in front of the boys. “Bon appetite,” She said before scurrying away.  
Dean leaned forwards again, feigning innocence as he picked up his fork and wound the spaghetti around it. He leaned forward slightly and pursed his lips as he blew on the pasta, and looked up at Cas through his lashes.  
Cas spent the rest of his meal looking anywhere but at Dean.   
After Dean paid, they left the restaurant hand in hand. When they got to the car, Cas pushed him against the side and pinned him there with his hips before pressing their lips together passionately. Dean’s tongue prodded at his lips. He opened them, and felt Dean’s tongue sweep into his mouth. He nibbled Dean’s lower lip, and could feel the growing bulge in Dean’s pants against his thigh.   
He smiled against Dean’s mouth, and jerked away, walking to the other side of the car. Dean stared at him, dumbfounded as Cas opened the passenger side door. “That was for being rude at dinner.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See end of chapter for warnings  
> There's some smut for you here though too

Dean unlocked the apartment door and dragged Cas through, and kicked it shut as he slammed Cas into the wall.  
“Sam is at Kevin’s?” Cas gasped out as Dean ravaged his mouth with his own.  
“Mmhmm,” Dean grunted back. He cupped Cas’ chin and sucked his bottom lip into his mouth, and suddenly heard a startled cry, followed by a roar.  
“What the fuck do you think you’re doing, boy?” Someone grabbed his shoulder and ripped him away from Cas. He was spun around by the hand and was staring down into the livid face of John Winchester.   
“Dad-?”  
“Who the fuck is that?” John screamed in his face. Dean took a startled step back and squared his shoulders. “Some pretty-boy fag-“  
Dean felt rage flare up in his chest. John could say or do anything he wanted to Dean, but not Cas. “Don’t you dare talk about him like that,” Dean said voice low and deadly. Cas stood behind them, his face frozen in a weird mix of worry and contempt. Dean was speaking again. “I don’t care what you say to me, I’m used to it, but I won’t let Cas get hurt.”  
“Cas?” John said with a mirthless laugh. He shot an angry look at the brunette, who tossed his head and gave the older Winchester a stony glare.   
“Yes,” Dean said. “He’s my boyfriend.”  
“The fuck he is!” John was shouting again. “My son ain’t no faggot! That little prick better stay the fuck away from my sons-“  
“I said don’t fucking talk about him like that!” Dean roared. Rage flashed across John’s features, and he drew his fist back then slammed it forward into Dean’s jaw.  
“Dean!” Cas shouted as Dean’s head snapped back. John was aiming another punch at Dean’s stomach, but Dean had already recovered. With a series of swift movements, he had John on his back on the ground. Dean immediately stepped back, as though shocked by his actions, and stared with wide eyes as John stood and gave them a dirty look.  
“Fine, have it your way. But I won’t have no queer living in my house.”  
“Dad-“  
“You wanna fuck boys? Fine, go ahead. But I won’t be paying for the roof you live under. You can find a way to pay for rent yourself. And you had better stay away from Adam and Miranda- I won’t have them exposed to this shit.” He stomped past them to the door.  
Dean dropped his head into his hands, and prayed, please don’t take Sam, please don’t take Sam, please-  
“Oh,” John said, pausing at the door. “And tell Sam to pack his things. I’ll be here on Saturday to help move him back to my place.” The door slammed shut behind him.   
“NO!” Dean screamed, falling to his knees. He smashed both his fists into the floor.   
“Dean!” Cas fell to his knees beside Dean and grabbed Dean’s wrists, and pulled his hands into his lap.  
Dean shot to his feet and blasted past Cas into the kitchen. He pulled open the cupboard that held his stash of booze and pulled down a bottle of whiskey. He twisted off the cap and took a long pull.   
Cas walked over and brushed his fingers over Dean’s back. He felt the muscles jump and tense beneath his fingers. “Dean,” he whispered, unsure of how to act around Dean. “Dean, how can I help?”  
Dean just shook his head and slurped back another mouthful of the amber liquid. “He’s gonna take Sammy away.”  
Cas was still uncertain of how to act around this Dean, but he began to rub circles in Dean’s back- or tried to, anyway. Dean jerked away from him and downed three more long pulls, before shouting, “What am I supposed to do! He’s gonna take him away- he’s taking my brother away!” He began to pace, and Cas could see the bottle shaking as Dean raised it to his lips again. “The kids all I have! He’s my only family and he’s taking him the fuck away! I CAN’T FIGHT FOR HIM CAS! I WOULD NEVER WIN A CUSTODY BATTLE!” Dean hurled the near empty bottle at the wall before pushing past Cas to the fridge. He pulled out a beer and cracked the cap off before downing the whole thing in one go.   
Dean was visibly trembling now. “Dean, stop.” Cas said as Dean reached for another beer. He felt the wet slide of tears on his face, and he tried to keep his voice steady as he said, louder this time, “Dean, stop! You’re scaring me!”  
Dean looked at him, eyes broken and full of rage, and whispered, “I’m never going to see him again.” He leaned back against the counter and slid down the cupboards. He folded his arms across his legs and bent his head forward against them. Cas crouched beside him and rubbed circles on his back. He could feel Dean’s shoulders tremble as he sobbed silently.   
“Shh, baby,” Cas soothed. “Everything will be okay, my love. We’ll go talk to my parents. We’ll figure it out.” Dean leaned into his touch, and tucked his head into the crook of Cas’ neck. 

Dean was up before Cas the next morning- not that he ever went to bed, mind you. Cas walked into the kitchen rubbing sleep from his eyes around seven, and stopped to take in the scene before him.  
Dean was sitting at the kitchen table with his laptop open, a bottle of whiskey open beside him, a half empty glass of water, and a bottle of Advil. “Jesus Christ,” Cas muttered, marching forward. He picked up the whiskey and balked at its weight- or lack thereof. “Dean! This is almost empty!”  
“Sho?” Dean slurred, not looking up from the screen of his laptop.  
“You just opened it last night!” Cas stared in disbelief at his boyfriend. “You can’t do this Dean!”  
“You’re not the bossh of me, Cashh. Beshides, itsh fine, you worry too much.” He still didn’t look away from his computer.  
“Jesus God almighty,” Cas said as he spun towards the sink. He flipped the bottle over, dispensing the last of its contents into the sink.   
“Hey!” Dean shouted, jumping to his feet.   
“Dean! Get a fucking grip! I know you’re scared to loose Sam, but it won’t help him if you drink yourself into a stupor.” He lowered his voice and caressed Dean’s cheek. “Go to bed, baby. Sleep off the booze. I told you we’d work it out.”  
Dean nodded and shuffled out of the room. Cas turned towards his computer to shut it and was shocked by what he saw. Every tab that was open was legal documents on how to win custody, child services pages, and the homepages of various lawyers. Cas shut the computer, made himself a piece of toast, and flopped onto the couch. He picked up a book lying on the coffee table and looked at the cover. After a moment’s consideration, he opened it to the first page.   
Around one, he heard a soft knock at the door. He looked down at himself and sighed- he wasn’t exactly presentable. Dean’s track pants (which were barely clinging to his hips) and one of Dean’s tee shirts (also too big) were all that he was wearing, and he probably had makeup smudged all over his face.   
He stood up and shuffled to the door, and yanked it open just as the knocking started up again. He did a double take when he saw John Winchester standing at the door, fist raised. He drew his shoulders back and did his best to harden his features.  
“You stayed the night?” John grunted.  
“To help Dean. He was pretty wrecked after you abandoned him and took away the most important person in his life.” Cas couldn’t keep the sarcasm out of his voice.   
“Listen, can I just talk to my kid?” John said, temper flaring.  
“He’s in bed. He’s been up all night trying to find a way to keep his brother in his life.”  
“I’m right here, Cas,” Cas heard Dean’s groggy voice behind him, and felt his hand wrap around his waist as Dean walked up behind him. “What do you want?” He asked, trying to make his voice sound sharp, but mostly just sounding tired.  
“I’m here to talk about Sam. I acted rashly last night. He should stay with you.”  
“But?” Dean said, knowing there was a condition.  
“But you both stay out of our lives. Stay away from my son, and my fiancé.”   
Dean laughed in humorless disbelief. “You’re joking, right? You’re going to cut your two oldest sons out of your life because I’m gay?”   
“Yes.” John said. “Sam barely tolerates me on a good day. He’d just make our lives hell and ruin our family. You boys are each other’s family, and I have my family to take care of. I’ll keep paying your rent, but that’s it. Aside from that, I don’t want to hear from you.”  
“Deal.” Dean said without hesitation. “But I want it in writing so that you can never take him away.”  
“Fine,” John said. Cas had already disappeared at returned with a pen and paper, and John scribbled out a quick note stating that he forfeited custody to Dean before spinning without another word and leaving.   
Dean swung the apartment door closed and slumped against it before sliding to the floor, the note clenched in his hand. He read it over three times, and Cas just stood silently watching him. Finally, Dean pushed to his feet and shuffled to the safe tucked against the wall beside the TV stand. He spun the dial and set the piece of paper inside the safe before finally speaking.   
“I’m sorry, baby. Last night was supposed to be special and I ruined it.”  
Cas walked over and straddled his hips. “You didn’t ruin a thing,” he said and pressed his lips to Dean’s. “Not a damn thing. It was your dad, not you.” He continued to pepper Dean’s face with kisses.  
Eventually, the kisses grew more passionate. Dean growled into Cas’ mouth and bucked his hips up towards the smaller boy. He wrapped one arm securely around Cas and lifted the boy off his hips. He rolled forward so that he was on his hands and knees, Cas hanging sloth-like from his neck before laying him out before him on the floor. He slipped the smaller boys shirt off, followed by his own, and lavished kisses all over his body. Cas’ back arched as Dean trailed his tongue down the slight indent in the centre of his abs. He stopped as just before he reached Cas’ belly button, and pressed little kisses and bites along the rim of Cas’ pants before slowly dragging them down. His lips dipped ever lower across Cas’ hips as his pants were dragged lower and lower. Cas thighs were revealed, and his dick was exposed to the cool air. He was already half-hard, and Dean blew a stream of air against it before continuing to drag his track pants off Cas, kissing all along the other boy’s legs. Cas squirmed against his nimble fingers and Dean smiled.   
Dean slowly worked his way back up towards Cas’ hips, and took extra care to press open mouthed kisses against the fleshy inside of the boys thighs. “So beautiful,” he whispered. “You’re stunning, baby.”  
Cas gasped and arched off the floor as Dean licked the head of his cock. “Oh my god,” he gasped, hips thrusting up towards Dean, who pulled away and began to move up Cas body again. Cas whimpered as the denim of Dean’s jeans rubbed against his throbbing member. Dean chuckled and reached between them and grasped the desperate boy’s dick, hand sliding up and down in a slow motion as he kissed Cas again. Cas held his face and kissed him back passionately, hips bucking slightly into Dean’s fist.   
Dean growled against Cas’ mouth, and his lips slipped away and began to kiss along Cas’ jawline and throat as he pumped his hand a little faster. His eyes flashed up and he watched the face of the beautiful boy beneath him as he came undone- Cas’ cheeks were flushed, eyes squinted shut as Dean jacked him off.  
“So beautiful, baby,” Dean said. Cas squirmed, and felt the rough drag of the carpet beneath him against his shoulders. He bit his lip and worried it between his teeth. Dean swallowed at the sight.   
“Dean!” Cas gasped. “ I’m- ah!” He groaned as Dean let go of his dick and moved his hand to cup Cas’ cheek as he pulled the smaller boy in for a tender kiss. Cas was having none of it though- he ground his hips up into Dean’s thigh and thrust his hips against the rough denim. Dean chuckled and pushed his body into a plank position above Cas. “Dean!” Cas whined.   
“I can keep jacking you off, or I can fuck you,” Dean said, sucking lightly at the side of Cas’ neck. “Which would you rather have?”  
“The second one!” Cas moaned as Dean sucked one of his nipples into his mouth, his hips brushing against Cas’ overly sensitive cock.  
“Use your words,” Dean teased as he moved his attention to the other half of Cas’ chest.   
“Fuck me Dean, please!”   
“Roll over,” Dean commanded, rolling back to sit on his heels. Cas complied, forearms on the floor, head resting on his wrists, ass up in the air. Dean took a moment to massage himself through his jeans before he was able to move forward and spread Cas open, tongue flicking out to lick at the sensitive ring of skin. Cas bit back a scream by shoving his fist into his mouth. Dean grinned and flicked his tongue out again, licking around Cas’ entrance and dipping in slightly.   
Cas was emitting a string of noises that were barely human. As Dean’s tongue pushed further and further into him, an involuntary scream was torn from his throat that he couldn’t block with his fist.   
“You ready?” Dean asked. Cas nodded furiously, unable to look up. “What are you ready for?”  
“I’m ready for you to fuck me Dean,” Cas’ voice was utterly wrecked. Dean grinned and rolled Cas over again. Cas noticed that at some point Dean had pulled his own dick out, and his jeans were open and sitting in a positively sinful way against his hips- the zipper pulled down and splayed, and riding low, revealing the smooth, chiseled muscles of his abdomen. Cas reached for Dean’s erection, and began to dip his head, but Dean caught his chin in his hand and pulled him forward for a kiss. “No, baby. This is just for you.” He pressed his hand against Cas collar bone and pressed him down onto the floor. He pulled a condom out of his back pocket, tore open the package, and rolled it over himself before lining up with Cas’ entrance. He looked into the eyes of the beautiful boy beneath him, and whispered, “Ready?”  
Cas nodded furiously, and Dean pressed forward. Neither boy was able to control the sounds torn from them, and as Dean’s thrusts slowly picked up the pace, neither boy even tried. They were gasping against each other’s lips, and Dean’s hips stuttered as he lost his smooth rhythm, hips jerking forward sporadically. Cas moaned at the feeling of the scratch of Dean’s jeans against the backs of his thighs. Dean reached between their bodies and pumped Cas’ dick a few times, and the blue eyed boy screamed as his orgasm tore through him. After that, it only took two more thrusts before Dean was coming too. He collapsed on top of his lover, too tired to even pull out, and sighed.   
“Dean?” Cas muttered after a few moments filled only with their gasping breaths.  
“Yeah baby?”   
“Thank you.”   
Cas didn’t need to say anything else for Dean to understand. He moved up and pressed feather-light kisses across Cas’ face, and finally brushed their lips together. “I love you, Cas.”

The sharp, staccato ring of the phone ripped Dean from sleep, and he jolted upright. Cas mumbled in his sleep on the floor beside him, and curled into a ball. Dean shot to his feet and ran towards his bedroom, zipping up his pants as he ran.  
He didn’t look at the number flashing on the screen, knowing the call was about to end, he just answered it and shouted, “Hello?”  
“Jesus Dean, what have I told you about shouting into the receiver,” Sam’s voice echoed over the line. “I need you to come get me right away.”  
“Is something wrong?”  
“No, Kevin’s mom just got called into work and didn’t want to leave us alone.”  
“I’ll be there in fifteen minutes.” Dean said, and disconnected the call. He padded back into the living room and prodded Cas awake. “Wake up, baby. We gotta go get Sam.”  
Cas growled and threw an arm across his face. “You go, I’m staying in bed.”  
Dean laughed, and kissed Cas. “You’re lying naked on my living room floor, babe. I can’t exactly bring my brother home to that.”  
Cas’ eyes flew open as he remembered what had happened earlier. The room was mostly dark, but the little bit of sunlight filtering through the window illuminated parts of Dean’s face. Dean was still bare chested, and the light outlined the smooth contour of his abdominal muscles.   
He looked beautiful.   
“Come on,” Dean said, pushing to his feet. He held out his hands to Cas, palms up, but Cas made no move to take them. He just kept staring at Dean. “Is something wrong?” Dean asked, worriedly carding his hand through his hair, then rubbing nervously at the back of his neck.  
“No,” Cas said, finally standing. He placed his hands on Dean’s hips and kissed Dean. “You just look really beautiful, and I was thinking about how I’d paint you.”  
“You want to paint me?”   
“I like to paint lots of beautiful things, don’t get too excited,” Cas teased. Then, more seriously, he added, “Would you let me?”   
“Would I let you paint me?” Cas nodded. “Uh, yeah, I guess.”   
Cas beamed. “Awesome! Thank you,” he leaned forward and kissed Dean again. “I promise I’ll do good. Can we do it tonight?”  
“We have to go get Sam first, so put some clothes on.” Dean said lightly, hands slipping down to cup Cas’ ass and squeezing. Cas’ hips bucked forward slightly into Dean’s.   
“Don’t,” he warned. “We’re bringing your brother home and can’t do anything later.”   
“Fine,” Dean said, stepping away to scoop his shirt off the ground. He slipped into the entry way and pulled his boots on, Cas following not far behind him. They headed down to the Impala, hand in hand, and Dean spent a minute sweeping off his car before they climbed in and went to get Sam.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's some verbal abuse in this chapter, and alcohol abuse. send me a message if you have any concerns


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter gets really intense, so please please please, if you think there is a chance you could be triggered by this story, read the warnings at the end

“Dammit, Dean, hold still,” Cas growled. His tongue poked out from between his lips slightly as he concentrated, and Dean had to call on every ounce of self-control he had to school his features into the thoughtful, yearning expression Cas had carefully manipulated onto his face rather than grinning at the sight.   
They’d dropped Sam off at the apartment a little over an hour ago, and headed over to Cas’ place, which was once again empty, as Naomi and Chuck were in Mumbai. Dean was sitting in front of the living room window, naked, on a stool. At first, he was afraid he was going to be uncomfortable, but Cas had covered the stool with a soft blanket, and brought in a heater to keep the room warm enough. Cas, for his part, was standing bare chested behind an easel, carefully applying layers of paint to his canvas until the seemingly random streaks and blobs began to resemble Dean. The sun had set completely now, so rather than the orange light and purple shadows Cas had originally imagined for the piece, Dean was cast in shadows of blue, and white light etched itself over the planes of his body. Cas did his best to perfect the image in front of him, but eventually he just had to say, “Alright, time for a break, I’m beat,” before falling backwards onto the couch. Dean chuckled, and stood up. He sauntered towards the couch, and Cas noticed that he was half hard. Dean flipped off the lamp Cas had attached to the easel, and straddled Cas’ hips.   
“Aren’t you gonna look at it?” Cas asked, slightly breathless as Dean began to slowly gyrate his hips above him, never touching him.  
“Mm, maybe later. I can think of a better use of my time for now.” He continued rolling his body above Cas, squirming and driving Cas utterly mad with each languid, flowing movement.  
“Jesus Christ, Dean,” he gasped as Dean’s hard on brushed against his own through the soft material of his track pants. “Kiss me, please.”  
Dean couldn’t deny him such a simple request, and bent his head forwards to capture Cas’ lips in a searing kiss as his hips finally lowered onto the brunettes, and rocked against him.   
A low moan escaped Cas as Dean rocked them together, and his hands traveled over Dean’s corded, muscular back. When his hands found Dean’s ass, he spread Dean slightly and prodded his entrance with one of his fingers, just to see how Dean would react.   
Dean ground back against Cas’ finger so that it was buried inside him to the first knuckle and stared at Cas with lust-blown eyes. Cas pulled his finger out and hooked it inside Dean’s mouth. “Suck,” he commanded as Dean began to rock his hips against Cas once more. His tongue danced around Cas’ finger, and when Cas finally pulled it out and reinserted it into Dean, the taller boy sank onto it with a loud moan. He fucked himself onto Cas’ finger, simultaneously grinding their hips together. Dean’s head lolled back, and Cas leaned forward and bit his throat. Dean shrieked with pleasure and his hips lost their rhythm- his thrusting became erotic and nonsensical, and Cas couldn’t help but marvel at the beautiful sight above him. His orgasm tore through him almost without his permission, and he felt Dean’s load splatter against his stomach moments later.   
Dean fell forward, and Cas’ face was buried in his chest. He pressed gentle kisses against Dean’s collar bone, and Dean sighed contentedly.   
“Wanna have a sleepover?” Cas asked. Dean shuddered as the smaller boys breath tickled across his throat.   
As much as he wanted to say yes, he heard the opposite coming from his mouth. “I can’t. Sammy’s at home alone and I shouldn’t leave him in case Dad comes over to check on us.”  
“I understand,” Cas whispered, slightly disappointed. Dean rolled off him so that he was curled against Cas’ side, and Cas wrapped an arm around his boyfriend. Dean glanced at the clock on the wall- it was around eight.   
“I should head home- I still have history homework to do that was due last week,” Dean said, pushing to his feet. He padded over to the corner where his clothes were lying in a heap and began pulling them on. Cas averted his eyes to be polite, and only looked up again when he sensed Dean by his side. He allowed himself to be pulled to his feet, and kissed Dean’s nose lightly. Dean grinned at him, and said, “Your painting is beautiful, by the way.”  
“Well, I had a beautiful subject.”  
“Well, maybe that helped. But it was your skill with a paintbrush that made this piece beautiful. You’re an incredible artist, Cas.” Cas blushed at the compliment.  
“Thank you, Dean,” he whispered.   
Dean kissed his forehead. “You’re welcome.” He stepped away from Cas, and pulled his shoes on in the entryway. “Do you want me to come get you tomorrow morning?”   
“Uh, no,” Cas said as he followed Dean. “I have a dentist appointment at nine so I'm taking the bus there and then a cab to the school.” He leaned against the wall and watched Dean shrug into his coat.  
“Okay.” Dean stepped forward and kissed Cas lightly. “Love you.”  
“Love you too. Drive safe!” He shouted after Dean as the door slammed shut. He wandered into the kitchen, and cleaned himself up with a cloth, before heading back into the living room and collapsing onto the couch, pulling a blanket over himself. He pulled out his phone and opened Tumblr, and scrolled through his dash for a few minutes.   
After a few minutes, he muttered, “It’s too early for this late night Tumblr shit,” and closed the app, opting instead to open Archive of Our Own. He opened one of Anna’s new fics that he was reading for her and settled in to read. After about twenty minutes, he heard a knock on the door. He stood, and was just rounding the corner to the entryway when the door burst opened. Luce was standing in the doorway. Cas let out a frightened shriek and spun back towards the living room. He raced around the coffee table and scooped up his phone. Luce raced after him, skidding to a stop on the other side of the coffee table.   
“Get out,” Cas said, voice weak and shaky.  
“Cassie, that’s not how you’re supposed to talk to me.”  
“Luce, get out or I'm calling Dean,” Cas said, voice slightly stronger.  
“I’m not afraid of your new boy toy.”  
“Then I’ll call the police.”  
“No, you won’t,” Luce said. “Because you know what I’d do to you if you did.”  
Terrified, Cas tried to run around the coffee table, back towards the front door. But before he made it two steps, Luce shoved the coffee table in front of him. Cas tripped over it and crashed to the floor.   
Luce stepped over the table and grabbed Cas’ shoulder in a vice-like grip. Cas desperately tried to free himself, but Luce was stronger, and Cas’ struggle only made him angry. His fist crashed into Cas’ face, and his vision went black as he momentarily lost consciousness.   
“What did I always tell you?” Luce screamed. “Huh? What did I tell you?” He lifted Cas to his feet by his throat, and Cas grabbed at his wrist as he tried to alleviate the pressure on his throat.   
“Dean!” Cas gasped as Luce launched him across the room. His leg knocked over his easel, and the painting went flying.   
Luce was suddenly above him again. “What did I tell you?” He roared.   
“You told me you’d kill me,” Cas whispered, tears streaming down him face. His throat burned, and it hurt to breathe.   
“I’d kill you if you what?”  
“If I left,” Cas rasped.   
“And what did you have to go and do? You left! So what should I do, Castiel? Should I kill you like I promised?” He clamped his hand down on Cas’ throat again.   
“No! Please, Luce.” Cas tried to push Luce’s hand away.  
“Hmm, tell you what. You’ll be my little bitch again, and you can live. I’ll even leave Winchester alone if you break all contact with him. But you don’t get to tell him about our little deal.”  
“Fine, anything you want, just don’t hurt Dean.” Cas begged. He knew he was already going to destroy Dean.   
“Fine. But you still need to be punished.” Cas’ stomach twisted with fear. He knew what was coming. Luce flipped him over and tore off his track pants. Cas cried the whole time Luce pounded into him, and winced when he came inside him. He used to try to insist Luce wear a condom, but that always ended with a beating. Instead, he just gave up. As Luce brutalized him, he tried to remember Dean, and the way Dean used to kiss his nose to wake him up. He remembered their snowball fight and the first time they said I love you. He remembered the day the bumped into each other in the hall- literally. He did anything but think of what was happening to him in the moment.  
After Luce was done, he left without another word. But Cas didn’t move for hours. Tears rolled over his cheeks. It hurt to breathe, and there was an intense burn coming from between his legs. The word rape echoed through his head, but he pushed it away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNINGS:  
> Rape, physical abuse


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alcoholism, physical abuse.

The next morning, as Cas was about to leave, he heard the roar of a motorcycle outside. A chill ran down his spine, but he put on a brave face, wrapped a scarf around his neck, and tried not to limp when he walked.  
He got on the back of the motorcycle without a word, and didn’t mention his appointment. Luce didn’t offer him a helmet, and he didn’t ask. They just tore down the street, Cas’ arms wrapped reluctantly around Luce’s waist. 

 

Dean was leaning against a post, smirking as he watched Anna try to imitate her dog- in her defense, she was telling a story. He laughed when she slipped on the ice and nearly fell. Gabe caught her and set her back on her feet, trying to cover his laughter.  
His back was to the parking lot, so he heard rather than saw the motorcycle as it parked in its usual spot. He stiffened when he saw Anna and Gabe’s expressions. Anna looked like she was going to be sick. “Oh God,” she whispered.  
Dean spun around, and he felt Anna’s fist knotted in the back of his jacket. “Dean, don’t do anything stupid.”  
But Dean couldn’t even move. He felt like he was going to be sick as he watched Cas and Luce get off the bike. Cas’ eyes flicked towards them momentarily, then flicked away. Dean’s stomach dropped when Luce’s arm wrapped around Cas’ shoulder.  
“No,” Dean found himself whispering. Anna wound her fingers through his and clung to his arm desperately as Luce and Cas made their way towards them. He squeezed her fingers back, and he saw Gabe place his hand on her shoulder out of the corner of his eye.  
“Cas?” Dean whispered brokenly when he walked past. Cas’ shoulders tensed and Dean could see the sadness in his eyes when they met his.  
“Castiel, what is going on?” Anna said, eyes watering.  
“Pipe down, Milton, he’s not with you now,” Luce said, voice filled with hate.  
“You son of a bitch,” Dean said, rage causing his voice to shake. “What did you do?”  
“Dean, stop,” Cas said, speaking for the first time. For a moment, his voice held the familiar tenderness. But then he remembered that he was dating Luce again, and Dean would get hurt if Cas told him why. “Don’t bother,” this time, he forced his voice to be hard. “I’m dating Luce again and there’s nothing you can do about it.”  
Dean froze. He felt like he’d been sucker punched. This couldn’t be Cas saying these things. “Dammit, Cas, we can fix this.”  
“Dean, it’s not broken.” Cas’ chest ached when he spoke next. “I just don’t love you anymore.”  
Dean took a startled step back. Anna was screaming now. “Castiel , what the hell is going on? This isn’t you-“  
Cas felt his heart break all over again at his next words. “It is me. And I know you won’t accept me decision so I think it’s best if you and Gabe both stay out of my life too.” At this point, Cas had lost track of how many times his voice had broken, but thankfully, the three people he loved most didn’t seem to notice. They just bought it- which, admittedly, also broke his heart. He watched their faces crumble, and met each of their eyes one by one. He tried to plead with them to see what was going on with each look, but none of them saw. Not even Dean.  
As he and Luce were walking away, Luce leaned over and whispered, “Good choice.” Cas cringed, and let himself break completely in the realization that he was completely alone. 

 

“I gotta get out of here,” Dean said. He turned and ran back to his car, ignoring the shouts of Anna and Gabe. He tore out of the parking lot and headed for the apartment. He stumbled through the door and tore open the liquor cupboard. He pulled down the last bottle of whiskey and twisted the top off. He took a long pull and wandered into the living room. He collapsed on the couch and was halfway through the bottle when he heard someone knocking on the door. He stood and stumbled to the door. He yanked it open and stared at the sight in front of him.  
Anna and Gabe were standing in front of him, both holding reusable grocery bags. “Can we come in?” Anna asked. Her face was red and puffy, and her cheeks were still damp with tears. Dean nodded and stepped back to let them in. Gabe set his bags down on the couch and pulled out an open bag of licorice. “Want one?” He asked.  
Dean shook his head. “Not hungry. Did you guys just bring me four bags of candy?”  
“Of course not,” Anna said. She reached into her bag. “Gabe may have brought candy, but I got the good stuff.” She produced a large bottle of vodka. “I brought whiskey too in case you don’t like vodka.”  
“I like it all,” Dean said. He attempted to smile at them. “Shouldn’t you guys be in school?”  
“Yeah well, one of our best friends is dating a psycho, and our other best friend appears to be drinking himself into a stupor, so we figured you could use some company to wallow with.” She placed a hand tenderly on Dean’s shoulder. “We’re worried about Cas too, Dean, but right now we’re also angry so I figured we could eat some candy and drink at nine in the morning, pass out, and deal with our problems later. Sound good?” 

 

The following weeks passed in a blur. Dean spent his evenings drunk and his days hung over, and any time he was sober he was either looking for alcohol or actually taking care of Sam. Sam was scared most of the time- not of Dean, of course, because Dean never did anything to hurt him, but for Dean. He didn’t really know what had happened, he just knew that Cas didn’t come around anymore and Dean was always drunk, and he often heard sobs coming from his brothers room when Dean thought he was asleep.  
Cas wasn’t doing much better. By February he’d lost count of how many times Luce had raped or beaten him. He’d alienated his parents too. They’d only been home briefly a week after he got back together with Luce, and had been called away again almost immediately. Naomi called every night, but Cas never answered. He never answered texts either. And Luce was almost always at his house.  
On what would have been his and Dean’s fourth anniversary, Cas was curled up on the couch, staring at a picture of the painting he’d done of Dean. Luce had destroyed the painting itself, and Cas had only been able to get a picture when he wasn’t looking. Luce had destroyed anything of Dean in the house.  
Cas heard the front door open, and he cringed. He’d been hoping Luce would leave him alone tonight, but he obviously had no such luck. He quickly turned off his phone and tucked it into the couch cushions, and pretended to be asleep.  
“Get up you stupid slut,” Luce slurred. The smell of booze overpowered Cas, and he nearly cringed. He knew better, though, and pretended to wake up.  
“Luce, what’s going on?” He said, voice fake-thick with fake-sleep. He stood up and placed a steadying hand on the other boy.  
“C’mon, we’re goin for a drrrive.” Luce began to drag him back towards the door.  
“Luce, you’re drunk, you can’t drive-“ Luce spun around and backhanded him hard enough that he was knocked off his feet. He fell on top of the coffee table, smashing it beneath him.  
“You don’t get to tell me what I can and can’t do!” Luce roared as he kicked Cas in the knee. Cas shouted in pain, but pushed to his feet.  
“I’m sorry, Luce,” he said in a broken voice. “It won’t happen again.”  
“It better fucking not,” Luce warned, dragging Cas outside.  
“Where’s your bike?” Cas asked, looking at the rusted pickup in the driveway.  
“Took Dad’s truck instead.”  
“Okay, just let me get my wallet so we can get some food.” Cas rushed back inside, and raced to the couch to get his phone too. He scribbled a note on a piece of paper and stuffed it in his pocket, then ran out to the car.

Around one, Dean heard his phone ringing. “Hello?” He grumbled into the receiver.  
“Hello, I’m looking for a Dean Winchester?” A man said.  
“You found him.” Dean rubbed a hand over his face.   
“My name is Dr. Smith, I work at St. Mary’s hospital.” Dean sat up in bed.  
“What’s going on? Is it my dad?” Dean asked.  
“Uh, no Mr. Winchester. We have Castiel Novak here. There was a serious collision that he was involved in, and there was a note in his pocket saying to contact you in the event of an accident.” Dean felt cold all over. “It sounds like he knew there was going to be an accident, Mr. Winchester.”  
“Is he okay?” Dean whispered.  
“I’m sorry, Mr. Winchester,” The doctor said.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Self Harm

Dean raced to the hospital, and Sam sat tense in the passenger seat. The words might not make it, and critical condition, swirled around in his head. This couldn’t be happening.   
He fished his phone out of his pocket and handed in to Sam. “I need you to text Anna, Gabe and Naomi. Tell them Cas was in a serious accident. He’s in surgery now and I’m going to the hospital. Tell Anna and Gabe that they shouldn’t come because the doctors are only letting me in, but Naomi and Chuck should get on the next flight back.”  
“Yeah, sure Dean,” Sam said, taking the phone from Dean.   
Dean parked the car and rushed inside, Sam beside him. “You didn’t have to come, Sammy.”  
“I know. But Cas is family. And you need someone here.”  
They walked through the door and while Sam sat down, Dean be lined to the front desk. “My name is Dean Winchester, Castiel Novak was in a car accident and I was notified about half an hour ago.”  
“Just one second,” the nurse said. A few minutes later a man was at his shoulder.  
“You’re Dean?” the man said. Dean nodded. “I’m Dr. Smith.”  
“How is he?” Dean said.   
“He’s out of surgery, and I can take you up to see him. He has a broken leg, and several broken ribs. There’s no way to know yet, but he’ll probably have a concussion. Luckily, cranial injuries are at a minimum. Just some lacerations and he’s lost a lot of blood. That was what we’d been really concerned about. He’s not out of the woods yet, but things are looking less grim,” the doctor explained as they walked. Sam hurried to catch up, and walked a few paces behind Dean and the doctor.   
“Was he driving, doctor?” Dean asked.  
“No, another boy was. We found this in Castiel’s pocket.” The doctor handed Dean a note.   
My name is Castiel Novak. The driver of the car was my boyfriend Luce Host. He was drunk. He forced me to go with him and didn’t take no for an answer. If there is an accident, call Dean Winchester. He then went on to leave Dean’s number. Dean flipped the page over. There was another note on the back. Dean, I’m so sorry. I only left because Luce told me he was going to kill me for leaving. I’ll explain if I live. I’m sorry, baby. I never stopped loving you. He’s waiting for me, I have to go.   
By now there were tears streaming down Dean’s face. “Luce was driving?”  
“Yes. He was proclaimed dead upon arrival.” Dean closed his eyes and nodded. They were almost there. “Dean, we won’t know the full extent of Castiel’s injuries until he’s awake. It is possible he will be experiencing amnesia, or he could be paralyzed. You need to be prepared for that reality, especially in the event he loses his short term memory and doesn’t know you.”   
Dean nodded. “I understand. But I really need to see him. I need to know he’s okay.”  
“Of course,” the doctor said, gesturing to the doorway next to Dean. “This is his room.”  
“Thank you, doctor.” He turned and looked at Sam. “I’m just gonna check on him and I’ll take you home.”  
“Take your time, Dean.”  
Dean had known it would be hard to see Cas like this, but he was nowhere near prepared. His stomach fluttered and twisted uncomfortably and he froze at the sight in front of him. Cas was unconscious on a bed, and what skin was exposed was covered in bruises and cuts. The blankets were tented weirdly over his left leg, and Dean could tell that was the broken one.   
He mentally shook himself and walked over to the bed. He stroked Cas’ face, careful to avoid any injuries, and held Cas’ hand gently with his. He whispered, “Oh, baby, how could I let this happen to you? I’m sorry Cas. I’m so sorry.” Dean collapsed into the chair beside Cas’ bed and set his head down on their joined hands.   
It was several minutes before he heard a soft voice from the doorway. “Dean?”  
Dean turned to look at his brother, wiping at his face hurriedly. “Yeah Sammy?”   
“I called Dad and told him what’s going on. He said he’d come get me and I could stay with him for as long as you needed. He also said you didn’t have to worry, it was only temporary.” Sam shuffled over to his older brother and handed Dean his cell phone. “Naomi called, and Dr. Smith talked to her. She and Chuck are getting on a plane at eight tonight. They should be home by tomorrow. She also wants you to call her when she gets a chance to make sure you’re okay. And Anna said she’d be here soon.”  
“Thanks Sammy,” Dean said, standing to hug his brother.   
“If Cas wakes up, tell him I say hi.” And then Sam rushed out the door with a hurried explanation that John was waiting outside.   
Dean sat down again, just watching Cas breathe for another twenty minutes before he heard a gentle knock. He craned his neck to see Anna standing there, in track pants and an oversized sweater, with her hair in a ponytail. “How is he?” she whispered.  
“He’s okay- still unconscious.” Dean replied as she shuffled in slowly. “I can step out if you want to be with him.”  
“Nah, the doctor said we could both be in here if we were quiet.” Anna said quietly. She shot a nervous glance at the bed. “He’s so still.”  
“The doctor said it could be a while before he wakes up. He, uh, he went through the windshield, and-“ Dean hiccupped out a sob.   
“Oh, Dean,” Anna said. She stood beside him and wrapped and arm around his shoulders. As she rubbed slow circles on his arm, she said. “He’ll be okay. He’s a fighter.” She stepped away and sat down on the floor with her back against the bed. “After Luce beat him up, back when Cas first realized he was bad news, he was in real rough shape- nobody knew if he was gonna make it. He was in a coma and on life support for a few days. Naomi nearly took him off- she said if there was no improvement within twenty-four hours, she was taking him off because it hurt too much to see him like that.” Anna’s voice was thick with tears, and Dean could feel tears on his own face. “We all went to the hospital to say our goodbyes one at a time the day she was going to do it. I was the last to go, and I was in the room with him when he suddenly woke up. He was so confused, and so weak, but at least he was awake. And then the doctors still weren’t sure if he’d make a full recovery. And then he was fine, and Luce was gone, and he met you.   
“Dean, you were this blessing sent from above. Cas refused to go to therapy, but something needed to be done- he’s such a good person, but always thought about himself so negatively, you know? Luce taught him that- he made Cas think his sole purpose was to make Luce happy, and when Luce was gone, he channeled it into making other people happy. But like, not in a good way- he wasn’t willing to let anyone in. His pain was his problem and no one else’. And then you came and started to teach him how to love himself again while he learned to love you. Dean, you saved his life.” Anger suddenly filled her eyes. “Why did he go back to Luce? Why did this happen?”  
“Here,” Dean said, pulling out Cas’ note.   
“What is it?” she said, unfolding it.   
“Cas wrote it before he got in the car.”

“He knew Luce was drunk?” She said, alarmed, as her eyes desperately scanned the note, looking for answers. She flipped it over and read the note for Dean, then said, “That son of a bitch. He just walked back into Cas’ life and started throwing threats around and ruined everything! I’m gonna kill him!”  
Dean shot a confused look at her. “Well, that would be a little redundant at this point, don’t you think?”   
“What?”  
“Luce is dead, Anna,” Dean said. Anna froze.  
“He’s dead?” Dean nodded. “Well now I feel like a bad person.”  
“You are a bad person,” Dean teased, a small smile on his face.   
She smiled back, and smacked his leg. “Shut up.” She looked down at her phone. “Gabe still isn’t answering his phone. Bastard must have his phone off. I’m gonna get a coffee and try calling him again. You want anything?”   
“No, I'm okay, thanks.”  
“Okay,” she patted his shoulder as she walked passed. ”I’ll be back in a bit.”  
When she was gone, Dean crawled up beside Cas on the bed. He was extremely careful not to jostle him, and once he was settled didn’t even move for a second as he assessed whether he’d hurt Cas. Once he’d reassured himself that the smaller boy was fine, he relaxed into the mattress and sighed heavily. He sat in silence for a few minutes, but suddenly had an idea.  
“Cas, they say you can’t hear me, but I’m hoping you can. I know you’ll come back when you’re ready, or you’ll go if you can’t stay. But I don’t want you to go, baby. I still love you, I never stopped.” He brushed his fingertips lightly over the broken boy’s forehead to brush the hair off it, and said, “You always said you liked it when I sang for you. You said it was great to wake up to. So I’m gonna sing to you until you wake up.” He pressed a kiss to Cas’ nose, and began to sing.   
He kept singing when Anna came back, and she just sat down in Dean’s abandoned chair to listen. He kept singing even when nurses came in to check on Cas. He sang even when Anna was asleep. He sang for hours, until his throat was raw, but just kept singing until he fell asleep.  
It was around one in the afternoon when Anna prodded him awake. “Dean, I’m going home for a couple hours to sleep properly. You should go too.”   
“I’ll go when you come back. I don’t want him to be alone.”  
“Okay,” she frowned at him. “Don’t worry too much. I know you’re scared, but he’ll be okay.”  
“Thanks Anna.”  
Anna was halfway through the door when she said, “Oh, and Gabe went out of town to his grams’ house last night. He doesn’t have a ride till three, so he’s coming shortly after that.” And then he and Cas were alone again.   
Dean got out of bed and stretched. He couldn’t believe how stiff he was. As he rolled his neck, he caught sight of a guitar propped up in the corner. He walked over, and pulled off a note that was taped to the front that said, I had my boyfriend bring this in for you. I don’t know if you play, but we all thought your voice was lovely. And we all really want Cas to get better- some of us remember him from last time. –Nurse Masters.   
He picked up the guitar and plucked at the stings, grimacing at the off-key twang it emitted. He fiddled with it, and when he had tuned it, he thought for a moment about what he wanted to play. He eventually decided on the first song he ever played for Cas.  
So he sang. “Oh the summer times a’comin’/ and the trees are sweetly blooming/where the wild mountain thyme, grows around the blooming heather/ would you go, lassie go? And we’ll all go together/ where the wild mountain thyme/ grows around the blooming heather/ would you go lassie go?”  
He heard the sound of people gathering at the doorway but just kept going. “And I’ll build my love a bower/ and yon pure crystal fountain/ and around it I will place/ all the colours of the mountain/ would you go, lassie, go? And we’ll all go together/ where the wild mountain thyme/ grows around the blooming heather/ would you go, lassie, go? And if my true love’s gone, I will surely find another/ and to her I will sing/ things that make her know I want her/ would you go, lassie go? And we’ll all go together/ where the wild mountain thyme/ grows around the blooming heather/ would you go, lassie, go?”  
Applause filled the room. Dean blushed and turned away to face the nurses gathered inside the doorway of the room. But the only sight that mattered was the two cerulean eyes staring back at him from the bed, smiling weakly.   
“Cas!” Dean said. He hurriedly set the guitar down and rushed forward. “Cas, baby, thank god.” He held Cas’ face in his hands and peppered kisses over his face. “Are you in any pain?”  
Cas shook his head. “No, I’m okay,” he rasped. “It hurts to breathe and my leg is really heavy though.”  
“You were in a serious accident, Castiel,” One of the nurses said. She made a shooing motion, and Dean reluctantly stepped away. She sat down on the edge of Cas’ bed and took his pulse. “You can all go.” She said to the other nurses. The all scurried out the door, and when they were gone, she said to Cas, “Can you tell us why you got in the car?”  
Cas swallowed, and squinted. “It’s a bit fuzzy. But I was lying on the couch when I heard Luce come- wait, where is he? He hasn’t been in here, has he?” Cas’ eyes were blown wide with terror, and Dean’s heart squeezed uncomfortably in his chest.   
The nurses face was sad as she said, “No, sweetie. Luce died in the car accident.”  
Cas relaxed back into the bed. “Oh…”   
“Why did you get in the car, Castiel?” The nurse asked again gently.   
“I- uh- yeah, I was lying on the couch when I heard him come in. He told me we were going for a drive, and when I told him he was too drunk to drive, he hit me. I fell and broke the coffee table. I knew it was guaranteed that he’d beat me up if I refused to go with him, but there was, like, a fifty-fifty chance nothing would happen in the car, so I went with him.” Cas’ eyes flicked down. “But I also had to do what he said because I didn’t want him to hurt Dean.”  
“What?” Dean said, shocked.  
“I can see you two have some things to discuss. Take it easy, okay Cas? You’re not out of the woods yet.”  
“Thank you, uh?”  
“Tessa,” she said with a gentle smile.  
“Thank you, Tessa.”  
When she was gone, Dean climbed onto Cas’ bed again. This time he stayed sitting though, so that he and Cas were facing each other.  
“What’s going on, baby?” Dean said gently. Cas couldn’t meet his gaze. “Cas, what happened?”  
“Do you remember the night I painted you?” Cas asked quietly. Dean nodded- how could he forget it. That entire day was pretty unforgettable and had been at the front of his mind for two and a half months. “After you left, Luce broke in. I tried to get away, but he caught me. He choked me, Dean, I couldn’t breathe,” Cas began to cry, tears streaming steadily down his face. His voice was choked up as he continued. “He said that if I did what he said he wouldn’t kill me and he’d leave you alone. I was so scared so I did what he said. And then he-“ he bit down on his lip hard enough to draw blood.   
Dean’s throat ached as he tried to hold back tears, and he grasped Cas’ hand as tightly as he dared. “What, baby? Talk to me.” He used his thumb to drag Cas’ lip out from between his teeth.  
“He raped me!” Cas yelled, and broke down sobbing. His entire body was wracked with tremors. Dean scrambled up the bed to hug him, and held him as he cried. “He raped me again and again and he beat me- and I- I missed- you so- s-so much and I was s-so scared and al-lone-“ Cas clawed at his arm with his hand, nails gouging deep into the skin. “And I d-d-deserved it for hurting you-“  
“Cas, baby, stop. Cas, please, don’t hurt yourself,” Dean sobbed, hand closing over Cas’. At some point he’d started crying too, although he couldn’t pinpoint when. “You didn’t deserve any of this, it’s my fault.”  
Cas’ head snapped around to look at him. “No, Dean, I-“  
Dean wiped the tears off Cas’ cheeks and said, “I should have fought for you the moment I saw you on that bike. I should have known that there had to be a reason you were there- I should have protected you. I let you down, Cas.”  
Cas shook his head. “Dean… I’m sorry. I’m so sorry-“ He collapsed against Dean and sobbed into his neck. Dean hugged him as tightly as he dared and buried his face in Cas’ hair.  
“Shh, baby, I’m here. God, I missed you so much.”  
“I missed you too.” Cas said when he finally calmed down. Dean leaned back against the mattress, and Cas tucked himself against Dean’s side, wincing in pain. “I still love you, Dean… will- will you take me back?”  
Cas’ muscles tensed as he waited for a response-Dean could easily turn him away after what Cas did to him, and he wouldn’t blame Dean if he did. But, miraculously, Dean didn’t walk away. Instead, he tipped Cas’ chin up and kissed him, then whispered, “What kind of question is that?”  
“A rhetorical one, hopefully,” Cas said, and smiled against Dean’s kiss. They stayed like that for a few minutes more, not even kissing anymore, really, just sitting with their foreheads touching and their lips mashed together, until eventually Dean drew back and stood.   
“I need to call Anna,” he explained. “She’s been here all night with me. And-“ he looked down at his phone. “It’s two-thirty, so Gabriel will be here soon too.” He leaned down to press a feather light kiss to Cas’ forehead. “I’m gonna go home for a couple hours- I’m beat. If that’s okay with you…”  
“No, you should go,” Cas said with a smile. “I’m tired too and with Gabriel and Anna coming I’m sure I’ll have more than enough company. You’re coming back though, right?”  
Dean did his best to imitate Sam’s duh bitch-face. “Of course I am. And Sammy wants to see you too- he’s missed you.”   
Cas smiled fondly at the mention of the boy who’d grown to be his brother just as much as he was Dean’s. “I’d love to see Sam. I’ve missed him too.” Dean pressed another kiss against Cas’ forehead and whispered an I love you before slipping out the door.   
Cas collapsed back against the pillows. His entire body ached, but when Dean was here the pain was manageable. With Dean gone, it was like his body was reacting to his absence- it ached with a tangible rejection. Despite Dean’s assurances, Cas still feared Dean would see that Cas wasn’t worth the effort and reject him. He deserved it after what he’d done to Dean.  
He looked down at the claw marks on his arms, and frowned. He’d never self-harmed before- even when things had been really bad with Luce. But this time it was different, because unlike the first time, he knew what it was like to be treasured. He’d known the love and gentle goodness of a healthy relationship with someone who’d been willing to put their own needs or wants on the back burner to make sure Cas was happy and healthy and safe. And he’d walked away from it, back into the waiting arms of his long-time companions of abuse and self-loathing. And he’d broken the heart of the only person he’d ever truly loved.   
It was the knowledge of what he’d done to Dean that truly tore him apart. Without noticing, he’d begun gouging his arm with his fingernails again.   
“Cas!” Someone shouted. Cas’ head snapped towards the door, where a shocked Anna was rushing through the door. “Cas, what are you doing sweetie?”   
“What?” He asked, still dazed by the intense emotions he’d been feeling.  
She held up one of his hands delicately by his wrist. He stared in shock- his hands were covered in blood, and his arms were bleeding steadily. “Cas, hon, what’s going on?”  
“I- I- after Dean-“ Cas began crying again, and he was having a hard time breathing.  
“Woah, woah, woah, calm down,” Anna said soothingly. “One sec.” She hastened over to the door and called for a nurse. A moment later she returned, followed by a woman Cas didn’t recognize.   
“Hey there, Clarence. Do you remember me?” Cas shook his head, but then took a closer look- upon inspection, her kind brown eyes did seem familiar. “I’m Nurse Masters- Meg. I cared for you last time you were here.” She gave Cas a gentle smile. “I’m gonna get some bandages so we can fix you up.” With gentle hands she cleaned Cas’ new wounds, then met Cas’ eyes solemnly. “We’re all rootin’ for ya here, kiddo. Don’t make things harder for yourself.” She checked some of the machines Cas was hooked up to before slipping out of the room.  
Anna folded herself onto the end of Cas’ bed, and tucked her knees beneath her chin. “What’s going on, Castiel?”  
Cas’ swallowed hard. “I, uh, I was thinking about Dean. How I’d hurt him. And I was afraid he was going to leave me again, but mostly I just felt guilty for hurting him. I didn’t even notice I did it, Anna, I swear.”  
“I know, Cassie, I know. I’m not gonna lie to you though. After you left, Dean was a mess. I spent more time than I should have dragging him out of bed for school and helping Sam because Dean was pretty much always drunk. I’m not saying this to make you feel guilty,” She added quickly, when she saw Cas’ face crumble. “I want you to see that you’re not the only one feeling this way. Dean didn’t drink because he missed you- even though he did. He was drinking because he blamed himself for you leaving. He blamed himself for not fighting for you, and he thought he’d forced you into something you didn’t want.” At Cas’ puzzled expression, she said, “He told me you two had sex the day before you came to school with Luce. Cas, Dean’s spent the last two months thinking he’d raped you.”  
Cas’ stomach dropped. “No- I- Dean- I have to talk to Dean-“   
“Cas, relax. He’ll be back in a couple hours. I just wanted to make you see that you’re both consumed with guilt that you shouldn’t have.”  
“Except that Dean really did get hurt because of my actions, whereas I didn’t get hurt because of his. I was so stupid.”  
“You were stupid for the right reasons,” Anna said, squeezing his hand lightly.  
“Yeah, like that makes a difference,” Cas scoffed.  
“Cas, it makes a huge difference!” Anna exclaimed, jumping off the bed. “Why did you leave Dean?”  
“Because Luce was threatening us-“  
“So you left in an effort to protect you and Dean?”  
“Well, yeah, but-“  
“Don’t but me, Castiel. You were scarred, and you weren’t in a position to refuse.” She sat down on the bed again. “Cas, we’ve been around this block before. For a year I watched Luce destroy you bit by bit, and then I sat by your side in the hospital while you were in a coma. Then I watched you sink into depression that you refused to deal with.  
“Cas, I was there, when you were first with Luce. I watched you fall in love with this really sweet guy, and then I watched that sweet guy become an abusive asshole. I saw all that, Cas! I saw that you were scared of him but still loved him enough to think you could change him. And I saw him threaten you, and hit you, and I didn’t say anything because you begged me not to.   
“I also watched you fall for Dean. You two were perfect for each other. You were learning to love yourself again, Cas. I know you wouldn’t have left Dean without a good reason,” she said. She’d started crying, and Cas reached out to take her hand.   
“I’m sorry, Anna,” Cas said, squeezing her fingers gently.  
“I’m the last person you need to be apologizing to, Cassie,” she said with a gentle smile.  
Cas shook his head. “You were hurt, too, in all this. You deserve an apology as much as the rest of us. You’ve always been there for me, and I turned my back of you.”  
“I know why you did,” Anna whispered. She leaned forward and kissed Cas’ cheek.  
There was a soft knock on the door. They both looked up at the two officers standing there, stern yet sympathetic looks on their faces.  
“My name is Jody Mills, I’m the sheriff her in Sioux Falls,” the woman said, stepping forward. “This is my partner. We’re here because we need to get a statement.”  
“Uh, yeah,” Cas said, rubbing the back of his neck. Jody and her partner walked into the room and stopped beside his bed.  
“We understand that this is a hard time for you, Castiel, so if you’d like, your friend can stay.”  
“Thank you,” Cas whispered.   
“Can you tell us what happened?” Jody asked.  
“Yeah, uh, I was at home alone, and Luce broke in- I mean, I guess it wasn’t a break in, but-“  
“Mr. Novak, you’re the victim here,” Sheriff Mills said. “If Luce didn’t have your permission to enter your house, it’s a break in.”  
“Okay, uh, anyways, I pretended to be asleep- I was hoping he’d go away if he thought I was sleeping, but he woke me up and told me we were going for a drive. When I told him he was too drunk to drive, he hit me. I fell down and broke the coffee table, and then he told me that I’m not allowed to tell him what to do. He dragged me outside, and I asked him if I could go back inside for my wallet so I could buy us some food. When I was inside I wrote the note-“  
“What note, sweetie?” Jody asked, brow furrowing.  
“This-“ Anna said, pulling the now crumpled piece of paper out of her pocket. She handed it to Jody’s partner as the sheriff gestured for Cas to continue.  
“I went back out to the car and we started driving. We were okay for a bit- Luce’s driving was shaky, but not terrible. I suggested we go to McDonalds or something- it was snowing, so I knew he’d insist on drive through. I was hoping someone would notice he was drunk, and call the cops. Then he pulled a flask out. We never made it to McDonalds.” Cas looked down at his hands. “His driving started getting worse. He was going too fast, not paying attention to the road. I asked him to pay attention, but he just grabbed my throat and started yelling. And then- then he hit black ice, and the car spun off the road. I blacked out, and when I woke up, the car was upside down. I could tell my leg was broken, and I was having trouble breathing. Luce was unconscious. I called the police and blacked out again before they got there.”  
“Cas- may I call you Cas?” He nodded without looking up, and Jody continued. “You should know that no one blames you for the accident. You did everything you could to prevent it. You weren’t given a choice; you were forced into that car.”  
“Sheriff, was anyone else hurt?” Cas asked, finally looking up to meet her steady gaze.  
“No,” Jody said. “You were the only victim.”


	9. Chapter9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No warnings this chapter, just our boys healing

Naomi and Chuck arrived the next day. They visited for about an hour, but the jet lag was getting to them, and because Cas was stable, they went home to get some sleep. Dean came in moments after they left.  
“Hello, Dean,” Cas said, looking away from the TV in the corner of the room.  
“Hey, Cas,” Dean said, leaning down to kiss Cas. “How are you feeling?”  
“I’m still a bit sore,” Cas said, shifting to sit up. As if to punctuate his point, he grimaced in pain and grabbed at his side. “My ribs kill.”  
“Well, most of them are fractured,” Dean said, dropping into the chair beside Cas.   
“Yes, that has come up once or twice in conversation,” Cas said, a small smile on his lips.  
“I’m just saying, that probably has something to do with it,” Dean teased.   
“You’re probably right.”  
“It’s a gift,” Dean said. He sobered a bit, and said, “Cas, I need to talk to you about something.”  
Cas felt his stomach twist and drop, and he felt woozy as he waited for Dean to tell him that he’d changed his mind- he didn’t want to be with Cas after all.  
“Anna came over to my place yesterday after she left the hospital, and we were talking, and- we both think you need to talk to someone. Like, professionally.”  
“You mean a therapist,” Cas said, relief and irritation washing through him. He’d heard this speech before, and he’d put his foot down then too. “Dean, I'm not going to see-“  
“Hear me out, Cas,” Dean said, rushing to speak over him. “You’ve been through a lot since December, and even more before that. You need someone who can help you get better.”  
“You said you would,” Cas said, feeling betrayed.  
“Dammit Cas!” Dean reached out and grabbed Cas’ arm. Cas jumped, his eyes widening in terror. Dean suddenly froze. “Oh my God. I’m sorry, Cas.”  
Cas felt immediately guilty- this was Dean, not Luce. Dean had never done anything to hurt him, and here he was making the man he loved feel bad for something he’d never done. What was wrong with him? As he began to lob insults at himself, he said, “Don’t apologize Dean, you didn’t do anything.”  
“Cas, baby, don’t do that. Luce treated you like crap for months, and I should have remembered that. But this is why you need to talk to someone- you can’t spend the rest of your life reliving what he did to you.” Dean paused, and reached out slowly to carefully grasp Cas’ wrist. “And this- Anna told me what you did to yourself. Baby, I don’t want you to ever go through that again.”  
“Dean, I only did it because-“  
“I know, baby. But you need help. I'm not enough. Of course I’ll always be here for you, and I’ll do whatever I can to help, but you need more than I'm able to give you. Please, Cas, at least try.”  
They stared at each other for several silent minutes before Cas, finally nodded slowly. “I’ll try, Dean.”  
A relieved smile washed over Dean’s face. “Thank you, baby,” he said, leaning forward to press a gentle kiss against Cas’ nose. “Have the doctors told you when you’re getting out?”   
Cas nodded, “They want to keep me for one more night for observation, but I’m going home tomorrow, and I’ll be back in school on Monday.”  
Dean’s eyes skittered over Cas’ features- the bruises were already yellowing, and the cuts on his face were scabbed over and nearly healed for the most part. Nonetheless, alarm overtook him. “Is that safe? I mean, you were just in a serious accident-“  
“And I’m fine,” Cas said, cupping Dean’s face tenderly. “And I won’t even be going back for four days.”  
“But your ribs-“  
“Dean, relax, baby. The doctors know what they’re doing.” Dean couldn’t argue with that logic, but that didn’t mean he was happy. “Hey,” Cas said, tipping his head so he could look at Dean better. “Wanna have a sleep over tomorrow?”  
Dean nodded, and crawled up beside Cas on the bed. “Yeah, why not?”  
“When’s Sam coming to visit?” Cas asked, burrowing into Dean’s shoulder.   
“Dad’s bringing him over to the hospital. He should be here in a couple minutes.”   
“Why does John have him?” Cas asked, bristling.   
“Sam’s been staying with him since the accident because I was here,” Dean said, rubbing absent-minded circles on Cas’ shoulder.   
Cas frowned. “It’s only temporary though, right?”   
“Yeah, Sammy’s coming home with me tonight.”   
“Good,” Cas said. They cuddled for another ten minutes before there was a soft knock on the door. They looked over to see Sam standing there with a hesitant smile on his face, Jon standing at his shoulder.   
“Heya, Sammy,” Dean said, pushing up from the bed in one fluid motion. Cas’ eyes followed Dean as the older Winchester walked over to his little brother with a lopsided smile and gave him a hug.  
“May I speak to you, Dean?” John asked. Dean nodded, and nudged Sam over towards the bed before following his father out the door.   
“Listen, Dean-“ John cut himself off and cleared his throat uncomfortably. Dean just walked by his side as they made their way through the halls towards the exit. “Dean, I realized that what I said to you wasn’t fair- or right. You’re my son, regardless-“  
“Dad, with all due respect,” Dean said, stopping and turning his icy gaze on his father. “The last thing I need is a half-assed apology right now. Someone I love is lying in a hospital bed, and nearly died a couple nights ago. You made it very clear what your beliefs were.”  
John stared at Dean before saying something Dean never thought his father would say. “I was wrong.”  
“What?”  
“I was wrong to say those things to you. I didn’t mean any of it. I’m sorry, son.”  
Dean stood still for several minutes, staring at John. “Thank you,” he said finally. “Do you- would you like to actually meet Cas?” John hesitated for a moment, and Dean said, “If you don’t want to I totally get it.”   
“It’s not that,” John assured him quickly. “It’s just- I treated him like shit too. And it’s a lot harder to redeem yourself to a stranger.”  
“If you’re willing to make an effort here, he’ll forgive you. Castiel is the best person I’ve ever met.”  
“Castiel?” John asked as they headed back towards Cas’ room.  
“Yeah- Castiel is the angel of Thursday, and Cas was born on a Thursday.”  
“Oh, okay,” John said. The conversation dropped off as they stepped back into the hospital room. He cleared his throat, then said, “Hi, Cas- listen- I’m-“ He grunted and stuffed his hands in his coat pocket. Cas just watched him with a cool expression. Dean stood a step behind his father, tense, waiting to see if the two would be able to get along. “What I said to you and Dean was wrong. I shouldn’t have cut you three out of my life. I want to be a part of my son’s lives, and I want to get to know you.”  
Cas’ eyes flicked back to Dean, who gave him a slight nod and a pleading look- he desperately wanted this to work out. Cas looked back at John and gave him a tentative smile. “It would be an honour to get to know the man who raised Dean.” His eyes locked back on his boyfriend, and he said, “You’ve raised a truly extraordinary person.”  
Dean couldn’t help but grin at him as he walked back over and sat on his bad, resting his hand on Cas’ knee. There was one chair left in the room, and after a moment’s hesitation, John lowered himself into it.   
“So,” John said into the awkward silence that filled the room as they all waited for someone else to make the first move. “What are your plans for your future, Cas?”  
“I don’t really know,” Cas admitted. “I love art, and consider myself an artist, so I’d love to do art for a living. But after everything I’ve been through, I think I want to counsel victims of rape and abuse.”   
John stared at him, stricken for a moment. The first time he’d met Cas, he’d taken him for someone who wasn’t going anywhere after high school- some emo-freak who didn’t try, and would end up on drugs or the streets. A counselor was the farthest thing from his mind. John was set in his ways, but with all the recent events, his opinions were starting to change.  
“I know I don’t look the part,” Cas said, as if reading the oldest Winchester’s mind. “But appearances can be deceiving.”  
“So I’m learning,” John said quietly.  
They talked for another half hour before John noticed the time and declared he had to go get Adam and take him to hockey practice. “You three should come watch him play sometime,” John said. “The team’s pretty good.”  
“Sure,” Dean said, standing. “Send us a schedule.” He looked at Sam. “Why don’t you go with Dad and get your stuff out of the truck, and we’ll head home. I’ll be down in a minute.” Sam nodded and waved to Cas. Cas waved back, and John and Sam left.   
Dean leaned down and pressed a gentle kiss to Cas’ lips. “Thank you,” he whispered.  
“What for?” Cas asked, pulling back to look at Dean.  
“For making peace with my dad- it means a lot to me.”  
“I’d do anything for you, Dean,” Cas said, pulling Dean back to him and kissing him passionately.   
After a minute, Dean finally pulled back. “I gotta go,” he whispered.   
Cas sighed. “I love you.”  
Dean kissed his nose in response, and told him he loved him too before following his father and brother out the door. Cas settled back against the bed and closed his eyes, and it wasn’t long before he was asleep. 

 

“Listen, Sam,” Dean said as they sped towards their house. “I wanted to apologize for my behavior the last couple months. I treated you like shit-“  
“Dean, you don’t have to apologize,” Sam said, setting his hand on his brother’s shoulder and squeezing it slightly. “I don’t know what happened, and I don’t need to.”  
“You deserve an explanation though, Sammy, or at the very least an apology… Cas got back together with an abusive ex to protect us, and I was a wreck, and you were treated badly as a result.”  
“It’s okay, Dean,” Sam said, hearing the pain in his brother’s voice. They drove several more minutes in silence. Dean looked over at his little brother, who was chewing on his lip.  
“You have something to say?” Dean asked.  
Sam looked over at him with wide eyes, and said, “Yeah, but it can wait. You’ve got a lot on your mind.”  
“C’mon, Sammy, what’s up?” When Sam continued to hesitate, Dean prodded his ribs. “Spit it out.”  
“Okay, well, there’s this girl, Jess, and I want to ask her out, but I don’t really know how, and I was wondering if you could help me.” Sam said in a rush. He seemed to be bracing himself for his brothers teasing, but Dean just nodded pensively.  
“Well, I’ve never gone on a date with a girl in my life-“  
“Ever?” Sam asked, shocked.  
“Nope,” Dean said.  
“But what about Rhonda and Lisa?” Sam asked referencing two of the girls Dean had brought home when they were living with John.  
“Friends of the guys I was actually dating,” Dean explained. “Whenever Dad got curious about who I was dating, we’d ask one of his friends if she could pose as my girlfriend so we could avoid suspicion. Remember my buddy Benny?” Dean asked. The way he said buddy made it clear he was more than Dean’s buddy.   
“He was your-“  
“He was my first boyfriend,” Dean said fondly. He had really cared about Benny- hell, he’d even thought he loved him- but they’d decided together that their relationship had run its course. In hindsight, what he’d had with Benny paled in comparison to what he had with Cas.   
“Huh. Interesting,” Sam said. “Well, what do you say to the guys?”  
“Well, you definitely do not want to just walk up and ask her out- talk to her first, see if you guys have an emotional connection, then after she’s comfortable with you, you can ask her out to see a movie or something.”  
“Thanks, Dean,” Sam said, smiling.  
“You’re welcome. Oh, and Sam?”  
“Yeah?”  
“Don’t racing into saying you lover her, but when you know you do, make sure you tell her. You never know when you may not get the chance again.”


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter, kiddos! Thank you so much for sticking with me and this story. Love ya

Dean, Gabe and Anna were at Cas’ place waiting for him to come home the next day. Gabe was lounging on the living room couch eating candy while Dean helped Anna with some self defense practice.   
Dean had her pinned in a tight headlock, and said, “Okay, now drop one of your knees to the floor.” She did as she was instructed, and Dean was pulled over her shoulder and landed on his back. In the process of falling he’d released Anna, and she was doing a happy dance in the middle of the room.  
“That was so cool!” She said. She jumped into a fighting stance and threw a couple punches at the air in Dean’s direction as he pushed to his feet.   
“Good job,” he said, smiling. “Just remember that if you ever actually need it, run when you get free- don’t do whatever you just did.” He said, watching as Anna proceeded to perform the most ridiculous dance to ever grace the planet. Gabe choked on candy as he began to laugh.   
Just then the door opened, and Cas was pushed through the door in a wheelchair by his father.   
“Cas!” The three of them shouted together. They couldn’t see Cas over the half-wall dividing the entry from the living room, but they could hear Cas’ laughter.   
“Hey, guys,” he said as he pushed out of his chair. The three of them had moved into the entryway by then, and were eying it with suspicion. “It’s just temporary,” Cas explained. “Until my ribs heal, I can’t go long distances on the crutches.” They all nodded .   
“Hey guys, how are you,” Naomi asked. She had just followed her husband and son in the door and was carrying Cas’ crutches. As she handed them to him, the trio muttered some variant of good or fine. Cas tucked the crutches under his arms and began the slow trip into the living room. Dean and the others stepped out of the way, then followed him. Once Cas reached the couch, he set the crutches down and collapsed into the cushions. Dean tucked himself against Cas’ side, and the brunette snuggled close.   
The four sat for hours in the living room, laughing and retelling old stories. No one brought up the last several months- it was as though they’d never existed. 

 

Dean stayed at Cas’ place that night- he’d dropped his brother off at Kevin’s earlier that day. They were curled up together in bed- or as curled as they could be with two-thirds of Cas’ leg in a cast. Dean’s chest was pressed against the smaller boy’s back, and his hand was pressed protectively to Castiel’s stomach as though its mere presence could keep any harm from entering his life again.   
“Dean?” Cas whispered as Dean’s thumb traced small circles on his ribs.  
“Yeah, babe?”  
“I, uh, I wanted to talk to you about something.”  
Dean’s thumb stilled, and Cas wished he hadn’t said anything. “What’s wrong?”  
“You can relax, it’s nothing.” Cas said.  
“Cas, tell me. Please?”  
Cas sighed, then said, “I just thought I should warn you- I know you aren’t Luce, but I can never be with you when you’ve been drinking. Like, I can be around you, but we can never do anything. Usually he was in a state of intoxication whenever he would, uh, rape me. I just- I can’t have that reminder-“  
“Okay, baby. It’s okay,” Dean kissed is shoulder and squeezed him as tightly as he dared. “I won’t ever drink around you, I promise.”  
“Thank you, Dean,” Cas’ voice was choked with tears, and Dean held him tightly as he cried out all the emotions that had built up since his breakup with Dean.  
When his sobs subsided, he rolled over and burrowed into Dean’s chest. “I’m here, baby,” Dean whispered. “I won’t leave.” Dean squeezed Cas close and they went to sleep.

Cas stood in his backyard, letting the June sun beat down of his pale features. He closed his eyes and just enjoyed the peace and quiet for a few minutes before his black robes made it too hot to be outside.  
He went back inside, and hollered upstairs. “Mom, Dad, hurry! The ceremony starts in forty-five minutes and I want to get pictures with Dean before then.”  
Naomi called back that they’d be down in a minute and Cas grabbed his cap and headed to the bathroom.  
A couple months back he’d cut his hair off- rather than the long style he’d had for ages, the sides were now short, and longer on top, and with just a bit of convincing (and hair gel), he had been able to sweep it up. He positioned the graduation cap carefully, and took a moment to stare at himself in the mirror.  
Aside from his hair, his reflection wasn’t all that different than it had been in the past. His eyes were still rimmed with eyeliner, and his piercings were still there, but it was when he met his eyes that he noticed a difference.   
Since December, he’d gotten used to meeting dead eyes. Sometimes, after a day with Dean or a particularly useful trip to his shrink, he’d see a glimmer of something that told him there was a chance things were going to get better. For the most part, though, there was just this ever present nothingness that sat inside his chest, making him feel alone even in a room full of people. He lost pretty much all his drive to do anything as the winter ended, and it was only recently that he’d rediscovered his ability to self-motivate. Through it all, Dean had been by his side.   
Tonight, though, when he met his eyes, he didn’t see crushing emptiness or a glimmer of that something he’d been trying to grab onto since he started therapy in February. He saw hope, and happiness, and excitement. He was graduating tonight, and he and Dean were going to the same college in September. For now they were living in separate dorm rooms on campus, but they thought they’d move in together in second year.  
Sam was moving in with John again. Neither he nor Dean was happy about it, but Dean had to go to school, and Sam didn’t want to be the new kid again. He and Cas were coming home every weekend, though, and he would see Sam then.   
Naomi called from the front room that they were ready to go, and with one last look in the mirror, Cas left the bathroom.

 

Dean was sitting two rows behind Cas. He knew neither of them was getting an award, so he allowed himself to space out for part of the ceremony. He snapped back into it when the music started, and the front row of students stood. The administrators worked their way through the graduating class, and when the woman finally called out, “Castiel Novak,” Dean, along with Cas’ parents, Anna, Gabe, John, and Sam all stood, clapping and shouting in encouragement. Cas grinned at them as he walked across the stage, limping very slightly, and Dean grinned back and blew a kiss.   
Dean was the last one in the class to walk. The ceremony only lasted a few minutes after that, and his eyes eagerly scanned through the milling crowd for Cas. He was spinning in lost circles when someone pounced on his back and pressed a kiss to his cheek. Dean turned his head and grinned at Anna.   
“Hey,” he said as she walked around to face him.   
“Hey, yourself,” she said.   
“Are we still going to your place?” Dean asked, eyes still scanning the crowd.   
“Yeah- did you get the stuff?” She asked a sly grin on her face.   
He smiled back. “It’s in the back of the car.” Gabe sauntered over then, a piece of licorice in his mouth. “Really buddy? You brought candy to graduation?” Dean asked, laughing.  
“Of course I did,” Gabe said, pulling one arm inside his robe. When it re-emerged, it was holding two new pieces of licorice.   
“You’re sick,” Dean said shoving his shoulder playfully. He repeated himself several more times as Gabriel protested, and didn’t notice Cas walk over and mock-whisper to Anna, “The candy thing again?”  
“Yeah,” she stage whispered back. “Gabe has a package of licorice stuffed in the waistband of his pants.”   
“That’s disgusting,” Cas said, making a face at Gabe. That was when Dean and Gabe noticed that he had joined them, and stopped bickering. Dean grinned, grabbed him by his tie and pulled him in for a searing kiss.   
“Dean!” Someone shouted. Dean turned away, breathing heavily, to face his brother rushing towards him. As Sam threw his arm over Dean’s shoulder Dean noticed, not for the first time, that his brother was nearly as tall as him. He hugged his brother back, and turned to shake his father’s hand.  
“I’m proud of you, son,” John said, a small smile on his face.   
“Thanks, Dad, it means a lot to me,” Dean replied. Despite having promised himself only hours prior that he was not going to cry at graduation, he felt a painful ache in the back of his throat.   
“I understand you guys have somewhere to be,” Naomi said, walking over to hug Cas, then Dean. “You better get going.”

 

Music thrummed through the open windows into Anna’s backyard. The four of them, plus a few other school friends stood around the campfire. Everyone was drinking except Dean and Cas.   
“Dean,” Cas whispered. “You can have a drink- I don’t mind.”  
“I know- but I have plans for later.”

 

Despite Anna’s offer to let them stay the night, Dean and Cas headed back to Dean’s apartment around 1am. When they got inside, Dean pulled Cas close and kissed him softly. Their lips slotted together, and the kiss stayed slow and sweet.   
Dean took Cas’ hand and lead him to his bedroom. He kicked the door closed behind them and began unbuttoning Cas’ dress shirt. Once Cas’ shirt was off, Dean’s quickly followed. Cas pushed him down onto the bed and straddled his hips, then leaded down to kiss him again.   
“Cas-“ Dean gasped, turning his head to the side to free his mouth. “Cas, I- I want you to make love to me.”  
Cas pulled back so that his face was inches away from Dean’s.” You sure?”  
Dean nodded frantically. “Yes. It’s what I want.”   
“Okay,” Cas said. His lips went to Dean’s throat, biting and sucking as he reached between them to unbutton Dean’s jeans. Dean was quivering with excitement and nerves. He wanted this- despite typically being a top, he trusted Cas, and he wanted to experience everything he could with Cas.   
Cas lavished kissed all over Dean’s chest as he tugged his jeans off inch by agonizing inch. He pressed kisses to each of Dean’s jutting hip bones, and to his soft tummy. When Dean’s pants were pooled around his ankles, he eagerly kicked them off and reached for the button on Cas’ pants. Cas swatted his hands away. “No,” He whispered against Dean’s lips. “Let me.”  
“Tie me up,” Dean blurted suddenly.   
“Are you absolutely certain?”  
“Yes. I want this.”  
Cas stood up and walked to where he’d dropped his dark blue tie on the ground by the door. When he got back to the bed, he straddled Dean’s hips once more and kissed him as he gently looped the silky material around Dean’s wrists and secured them to the head board. “Is that okay?” Dean nodded and Cas took a moment to enjoy the view. “This is going to be so much fun,” he teased with a coy smile.   
He tugged Dean’s boxers off and flicked his tongue across Dean’s erection. When Dean squirmed, Cas placed his hands on his hips to hold him still as he began to bob his head. Dean’s head rolled back as his core and legs muscles tensed with pleasure, and he whimpered softly.   
“Cas- ah!” Dean forced himself to hold still as Cas swallowed him all the way down. His hips stuttered slightly as Cas pulled off and crawled up the bed to kiss Dean.   
“Promise you’ll tell me if you change your mind?” Cas whispered.  
“Impala,” Dean said, meeting Cas’ eyes.  
“What?”  
“Impala. It’s my safe word.”  
“Okay. Use it if you need to.”  
“I will.”  
With that, Cas began to kiss is way back down Dean’s torso. He hooked his hands behind Dean’s knees and pressed them towards his shoulders. He gently kissed the underside of Dean’s dick then slid his tongue down to his tight hole. Dean gasped and his arms tensed and pulled against his bonds.   
Cas pressed his tongue against the tight, puckered skin, smiling to himself as he watched Dean come undone. Dean was wriggling against both Cas’ hands and his tie, his small gasps and whimpers filling the room.   
Cas pulled away when he sensed Dean was yet again close to the edge. As he sat up, Dean whined his name.   
He leaned forward and whispered in his ear, “Where are your condoms?”  
“Table- beside the bed-“ Dean was still gasping for air.   
“Mkay-“ Cas pecked Dean’s cheek. Once he was sheathed, he hooked Dean’s knees over his shoulders and lined up. “You still sure?”  
“Without a doubt.”   
As Cas’ throbbing member began to press into him, Dean said, “Cas, wait.”  
“What’s wrong?” Cas said, alarm in his voice.   
“I love you.”  
Cas leaned forward and kissed Dean as he pressed into him. He moved forward inch by inch, carefully watching Dean’s face. There was pain there, but also indescribable pleasure. Once he was all the way in, he held still for a moment to allow Dean to adjust to the intrusion.   
“Are you okay, babe?”  
“I’d be better if you moved a little,” Dean said, voice tight.   
Cas shifted slightly, bumping Dean’s prostate slightly. Dean screamed in pleasure, pushing back into Cas. “Kiss me,” He whispered. Cas mashed their lips together as he began to pump into Dean, aiming for his prostate each time.   
Dean was straining against the tie with enough force that he knew there would be bruising, but he didn’t care. He sucked Cas’ bottom lip between his teeth and bit it gently. Cas pumped harder and faster, slapping against him.   
Cas buried his face in Dean’s neck as he felt his orgasm rip through him and hot ribbons were painted across his stomach as Dean came with him. When it was over, he collapsed on top of Dean, pressing feather light kisses over his face, shoulders and neck.   
“I love you, Dean.”  
Dean leaned up and captured his lips. “I love you too, baby. So much.”  
Cas sat up and untied Dean’s wrists. “Gentle, baby. Don’t hurt yourself.” He gently kissed the inside of each of Dean’s wrists as they began to tingle. Then he laid down beside the love of his life, kissed his neck, and they drifted off into one of many love filled sleeps.


End file.
